“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

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What comes after 7? Pedophiles.

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what did one gay guy say to the other gay guy? want to suck dicks? (cause that's what gays do)

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how long does it take chuck norris to watch a 24 hour video 24 hours

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Q:Whats yellow and on the floor in the bathroom? A: A Rubber Ducky

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Today we eat large amounts of pizza. The one piece had a lot of mushrooms. Like more than the other pieces. The cheese was flawless except for the burnt edges.

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Person 1: So now that were friends on facebook, you wanna hang out? Person 2: No I'd rather not.

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What happened to the boy with cancer? He died.

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When life throws you lemons, Throw grenades.

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Why did the girl break her leg? Because I pushed down the staircase.

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Knock knock. "Whose there?" "Dave" Oh alright Dave, two seconds I have got to unlock the door~looks for and finds keys and unlocks door~ Hello Dave, sorry mate not been out yet so not been out, come in.........

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What did the orphan get for christmas? Cancer.

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Q: What do you call a pair of dead babies lying on the ground? A: Slippers

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Q:If quizes are, "guizicles," then what are tests? A:Who calls quizes, "quizicles?"

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Why did Hellen Keller's dog run away? Because it could see and hear.

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ure mama's so fat

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"I'm so hungry!" "Hello so hungry, I am Matt. You must come from a very odd family if your name is " so hungry"!

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What do Selena and Justin, Kate and William, and Barack and Michelle all have in common? Nothing.

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Did u think that last joke was funny? Well this one isnt

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What did the women get after valentines day? An abortion.

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A man has a meeting with his doctor and his doctor says "I have some bad news, you have cancer and you have alzheimer's," to which the man replies... "Well at least I don't have cancer." This is an example of a fallacy claim.

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Q: Billy has 47 pieces of cake, he eats 38. What does he have left? A: Diabetes

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what do call a girl with a waterslide nose? Ava Sherman

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What's worse than dropping a dollar down the drain? Getting constantly tortured for hours non-stop by getting your eyebrows plucked out one by one and getting your teeth pulled out and getting your arms cut open by a razor and getting your nose twisted off and getting your nipples ripped off by a pair of pliers and getting your toenails scraped off by a knife and getting a needle shoved into your eyes and getting a sword stuffed up your arse and getting your penis split in two like a hotdog and getting your balls smashed up by a sledgehammer so the sperm inside goes everywhere. I think that would be worse than dropping a dollar down the drain.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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