- Anti Joke

Bob loves Anne. Anne loves Bob. No one cares.

Q: How long does it take to dig to China? A: 5 mins. I hire a bunch of mexicans

How do you kill a blonde? Pull the pin and throw it back...then proceed to paint yourself green and throw forks at her.

Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue I Have Somthing To tell you F*** You

Why did Lucy fall off the swing? She had no arms and legs Knock knock Who's there? Not Lucy

A man walks into a bar holding a magic lamp. The bartender asks "what are you holding?" The man says "It's a magic lamp." The bartender looks at the man and scratches his head. It turns out the bartender has had a problem with lice in his hair. If you believe in a magic genie is going to grant any wishes you're reading the wrong story. Anyways, the bartender buys medicated shampoo and no longer has head lice. The guy with the magic lamp was totally worthless.

What is the quickest way to speed up your 70 year old husband’s heart rate? Extract of foxglove is a very effective blocker of the parasympathetic nervous system, and since the parasympathetic nervous system is responsible for slowing the heart, this would lead to an increase in heart rate. However, it is very dangerous to use such chemicals without advice, and therefore it is better to seek an examination and, if necessary, a prescription from a qualified GP.

Why is the baby not crying? Because it died of herpes. JUST KIDDING! Babies can't get herpes.

Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

A man with a PhD walks up to a college student and jokingly says "Hey dude, what did the hat say to the other hat?" The student replies "My name is Joe and a hat does not have a mouth, therefore it cannot speak." The student is then unimpressed on how uneducated the man is, also worring about how the man was able to receive a PhD.

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The bartender says, "What is this? Some kind of joke?"

I man sees a shooting star and makes a wish. Nothing happens as shooting stars are incapable of granting wishes.

Why did the bird fall out of the sky, It hit one of the random green pipes.

Mikey : I wan to divorce. Miney :are u funking crazy Mikey : no I'm funking dazy !

A blonde and a brunette jump off a building, who hits the ground first? The one that jumped first

what's worse than the holocaust the man who thought of it

What did the two best friends do before the asteroid hit the Earth? They hugged each other goodbye.

it was a black guy a white guy a chinese guy a french guy an arab guy an irish guy and a juncky that was too much for a joke

.Ttwo guys walked into a bar. The third one ducked.

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was tired of hearing that joke

Why was the Mexican running? He was being chased by border patrol!

What did the blind man say to the fish store owner? I would, 1 fish please.

Help me I need to know how to cook a human fetus by tomorrow does anyone know any good recipes?

YOOO MOMMA LIKE A BIG MAC FAT JUICE AND ONLY WORTH A BUCK!!!!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK! Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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