Stop driving smart cars you fags

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How many light bulbs does it take to screw in a light bulb??? I don't know don't ask me when I'm asking you the question!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

daughter: Mum why do I have a brother mum: He not your real brother dont worry your adopted :) daughter: :'(

thumb_up thumb_down -1

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd probably put all the labials, coronals and dorsals in separate places sorted into plosives, nasals and fricatives, with the vowels at the beginning sorted by their relative IPA chartings, to make it more logical and easily attainable to foreigners.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock knock Who’s there? The police, your family was killed in a horrific car crash on highway 22 this morning at 10:15 after they collided head on with a truck. They died instantly if it is any conciliation. We will contact you further into our investigation. Dave then poured himself a whiskey and thought about all the good times he and his family shared, teaching Jessica to ride a bike, his and Kate’s honeymoon in Honolulu, playing catch with Jacob. That’s when the full extremity of the situation hit Dave causing him to break into tears he sat and cried for three hours and fifteen minutes. Once he had gotten that out of his system he decided to visit his mother and tell her the horrible news. Knock Knock Who’s there? Dave Dave who? Again Dave breaks into tears as his grandmothers althsiemers has progressed to the point where she can no longer remember her sons name. Feeling shattered he decides not to go through the process of explaining who he is and decides to head to the local pub to drown his sorrows. Bartender: hard day? Dave: my wife and two beautiful children were mauled in a head on collision with a truck and my mother can’t remember who I am. Bartender: yeah sure but was it a hard day? Dumbstruck with this ridiculous remark Dave pauses for a moment. The bar is silent only the sounds of bottles clinking and feet tapping on bar stools can be heard. Cigarette smoke hangs in the air. Dave stares at the bartender momentarily then throws his bottle at him send him off balance Dave then grabs the shot gun he knows the bartender keeps behind the counter and shoots the bartender at point blank range. Some customers run scared witless other try to control Dave but only end up in the same position as the bartender. Dave is left standing in a pool of blood. The smell of death hangs in the air with the cigarette smoke. Feeling slightly better Dave heads home and kills himself. Dave was an excellent plumber we will miss him.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Im Tom and I'm an alcoholic...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What happened when barba opened the coca cola? The cap flew off and hit the fence then the train then the moon then the pillow then the sun then the pole and the pole fell and hit the baseball and the cap landed on the floor... Then my turtle died

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's worse than dropping a dollar down the drain? Getting constantly tortured for hours non-stop by getting your eyebrows plucked out one by one and getting your teeth pulled out and getting your arms cut open by a razor and getting your nose twisted off and getting your nipples ripped off by a pair of pliers and getting your toenails scraped off by a knife and getting a needle shoved into your eyes and getting a sword stuffed up your arse and getting your penis split in two like a hotdog and getting your balls smashed up by a sledgehammer so the sperm inside goes everywhere. I think that would be worse than dropping a dollar down the drain.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A newly wed couple is at the beach and the wife asks for sunscreen and the man says he forgot it in the car. He goes to the car only to find that the car had been broken into. He goes to call his wife and they go back to the car only to find that the car had been stolen. #Turns out the thief broke the window to steal the car but saw the owner coming and hid behind a bush and upon the man going to call his wife he continued with his mission

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A lesbian and a gay both lie about there gender on eharmony, trying to get a date with someone there own gender. By coincedene, they get matched and go on a date, and both of them realize how weird this situation is and go home.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock knock Who's There Sally Sally who? Sally who .got hit with a fridge and fell off a tree because I have no arms. Sorry, I do not know you.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's green and blue, and red all over? Nothing. It if were red all over it wouldn't be green and blue.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the child cry? His sister just left for college

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How many retards does it take to screw in a lightbulb? No number of them could figure it out. They sit in the dark for hours, scared of the monsters.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A man came home from work and said to his wife im going to kill u

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's funnier than British people ? Their tea in the Harbor

thumb_up thumb_down -1

John: Hey Debbie, do you wanna go see a movie with me? Dina: My name is Dina

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the chicken cross the road? Who cares?

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What would you do for a kwuandike bar? Anything clean and sanitary that wouldn't provide harm to me or others near me

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call cheese that's not yours? Stolen cheese

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the midget cross the road? He needed to buy a ladder

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the boy drop his ice cream...?? Because he got hit by a white van

thumb_up thumb_down -1

How many straight naked men can you fit in a wardrobe? I'm not sure but the situation is highly unlikely!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why are black people like trees? Because they fall down if you hit them multiple times with an axe.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops