Q: Why did the man have sex with Amanda Seyfried? A: Are you kidding me?

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Why did Captain Obvious crossed the road? Because that's the name of the chicken

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How do you torture Helen Keller? You put her on a table and slowly pull her limbs off

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What's long, hard, and full of seamen... A Submarine

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Send creepy emails to this email address: matt.harrington@highlandcatholic.org

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What can fit between breasts? Is long? And gets hard when you jerk it? A seatbelt.

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why didn't paul ride the horse? he was busy

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Whats a frogs favorite year? 2009!

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What's hotter than a woman who is face down and ass up? A woman who isn't tying her shoes.

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Little Anny fell on a sidewalk. Why isn't she crying? 'Cause I've thrown her out off the tenth floor.

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What did the one Lame say to the other Lame? I don't know, what did you say?

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What's worse then one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse then two bee stings? The Holocaust . What worse then the Holocaust? Three bee stings.

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Two black males walk into the bar due to circumstances they had to go home early one of them has to leave early to tend to his ill wife, and the other enjoys his night drinking and making small talk with new friends

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Roses Are Red Violets Are Blue If I Had A Brick I Would Throw It At You

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Jim and Larry work together. Jim works hard, and Larry is a bit of a prankster. One day, Jim is having a rather rough day, and Larry looks to cheer him up with a good-natured joke. Knowing that Jim's wife prepares dinner for him every night of the week, he calls her and tells her that their boss has decided to pay for a dinner out, that she should take the day off and just get ready for Jim to come home and pick her up. Larry will later follow up by calling a pizza delivery place and having them send a special no hard feeling message with two large delicious pizzas. He forgets to call the pizza delivery man until later that night, after which it's too late and he thinks "I'll just explain the joke to Jim tomorrow." And goes peacefully to sleep. Arriving home and finding that dinner is not prepared, Jim savagely beats his wife.

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What's it called when an abusive alcoholic father iguana has trouble connecting with his wayward teenage drug addict son iguana, while at the same time the mother iguana doesn't come home till late hours and constantly calls her daughter iguana a slut? Reptile Dysfunction.

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What do you call a man with a knife in his back? An ambulance

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what do eagles and chetos have in common....... they both can fly except for the chetos

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whats the difference between sand and period blood? You cannot gargle sand.

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Doctor: I'm sorry about your disease, young man. It looks like your time is up. Man: NO! How much time to I have? Doctor: Five. Man: Five years? Five months? Five weeks? Doctor: Four... Three...

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Being ripped apart by an angry orangatang because orangatangs have the strength of ten men.

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Dig Bick Your dislexic

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Knock, knock. MAN: Who's there? ... MAN: Hello? Anyone out there? ... MAN: Must be the wind.

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what did the white rapper say to the black rapper? i like your work. to which the which the black rapper replied, thanks.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops