what smells like red paint, looks like red paint and is called red paint? A pear, i lied about everything i just said

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A woman buys a man a Valentine's Day present.

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"I'm terrible at writing jokes." -80% of the people on here.

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Q Why did the chicken cross the road? A Because it couldn't fly

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What's grammatically incorrect about this sentence? Nothing. I lied.

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My friend was waving a stick around and yelling out spells, so walked up to him and asked "You want to be Harry Potter, don't you?" He replied excitedly "Yeah!!" So i killed his parents and locked him under the stairs.

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Roses are red Violets are blue Most rhymes rhyme But this one doesnt

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Jesus walks into a hotel, slams four nails down on the counter, and says, "Put me up for the night!" The concierge looks at him and says, "You're not Jesus. Jesus was brutally murdered approximately 1,970 years ago. And although I may not be a believer, his teachings have brought comfort and solace to millions of people around the world. Nor do we accept nails as payment. Please remove yourself from the premises or I will call security."

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Because the tractor hadn't seen the chicken.

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Timmy's mom is an alcoholic. His dog is asleep in the backyard. Timmy asks his mother, "Why is our dog sleeping?" His mother replies, "It's not sleeping, its dead."

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What did the kitty say when it's owner called him over? Nothing. It's owner killed him.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It had gotten out of its coop.

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How many dead rats can you put in your ex-girlfriend's bed? 437.

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Where do you find a dead hooker? where you left her.

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was gonna write a really funny "anti-joke" about two dogs and some spagetti but decided instead to tell you about how hard my life is and how much i hate getting up in the morning and just keep you wondering about the spaggetti and the dogs while i kill myself and it all a sudden makes sense as the two dogs are eating my shattered brain that looks like spaggetti wich leaves me wondering , am i spelling spaggetti right?

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Hickory Dickory Dock Three mice ran up a clock The cluck struck one But the two other got away with minor injuries

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A cow and a whale are swimming in the sea when they both realize this is Vietnam and they were really chimps

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How do you get into USA from mexico? Climb a fence

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Why couldn't the little boy tie his shoes? He had no arms

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What did the fat girl mean when she said, " last night was amaziing?" that pizza pie you shared was very well crafted and baked

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I once shot an elephant in my pajamas. I suffer from a debilitating sleep disorder.

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs? Names.

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Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a bagel.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Not to a blind guy.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops