Why do women have boobs? So you've got something to look at while you talk to them. That's sexist... I'm sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

How many people are in the world? More than one. -David Papile

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Robert Palmer: Doctor Doctor give me the news! Doctor: You have contracted lung cancer and AIDS. You will die before Christmas.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's black, white, and red all over? A lot of things, you just gotta keep your eyes peeled.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

-How do you kill a douche? -You stab him untill he cries out in mercy and stops moving.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What's black and hangs from a tree? A tire swing.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was trying to commit suicide through vehicular manslaughter and knew that the average human being would not be able to stop before it was too late.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

There was this girl who suffered for her whole life and then she died. It was very liberating.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Santa Claus and eight reindeers walk into a bar. “Hey, fatty,” the barman shouts. “Where’s Rudolph?” “He’s dead,” Santa replied. “I’m sorry to hear that,” the barman said, looking embarrassed. “Let me get you a drink.”

thumb_up thumb_down +1

So this chat, the talk on the phone was all a ruse?

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A guy walks into a bar- he walks out of the bar because the beer was expensive and he didn't feel like getting drunk.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

When life hands you lemons...you should probably get yourself checked out because life is an abstract idea...

thumb_up thumb_down +1

In soviet russia, child molests you! Unfortunately true

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man walk's into a bar with a monkey, I fotgot the rest of the joke. Your mom is a whore.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Why did the girl fall off the swing? she had no arms. Why doesnt she have arms? they got bit off by a shark. Knock knock. Who's there? Not the girl.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Welcome to the anti-joke Olympics! As you can see ladies and gentlemen, our contestants are starting to look very excited as the "who can look the most bored" competition is just about to begin! We are terribly sorry to announce that as for the butterfly style contest, all of the butterflies drowned :( While at this corner, we can see these contestants have been waiting patiently for hours for the "who is the most impatient" contest to begin! While over here, none of our contestants have yet to make a chicken cross the road and tell them why! In the meantime watch as we mistreat these Jews in order to find out what is worse, the holocaust or a worm in your apple! So far our contestants with worms in their apples are complaining more, but dying significantly less, how will this end! How exciting! Finally our swing contest has been cancelled as Sally refuses to get on it! Moral: BUT WILL IT BLEND!

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What is white and can fly? A fridge that can't fly.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Wow, fuzzy feelings, you just made my top 10.000 friends list. Jk, you my favorite girl right now, I mean my wife is always my favorite, but the kind of love I feel for you, is a completely different kind of love, I consider it the sum of who you are, and I cant say I love you the same, because it is a completely different feeling. Wow, I cant believe I am typing this on horsehead network, by the way Red, you better get out of here, or I am going to have to shut your operations down, sorry for getting serious in the middle of this, but we can meet and be friends, if you promise to take good care of my new friend (you), but getting out of this site, you and your crew. So, sex whenver you feel like and friends for life? How does that sound? I prefer long term agreements.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Three black men was in a car. They were going on holiday.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A lion and a cheetah raced each other and the cheetah won Lion: "man you're a cheetah!" Cheetah: "no you're lion!" Then the cheetah tears off the lions head and feeds it to their babies

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A jew walks into a bar. The bartender says we dont sell juice here. The jew promptly leaves, offended.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

What do you call an earthquake on Mars? There is not enough water on planet Mars for something like that to happen.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A man is traveling to the nearest grocery store. He stops at an intersection and notices a another car beside him. It was a black corvet. So he blew it up and the men inside of it as well. He then proceeded to call the cops as to try to cover the explosion up as if it was not his fault. Unfortunately, the police had video evidence of the incident through video surveillance and the man was arrested for life. He never got a second chance in life and eventually died a slow, painful death in the hands of cancer at the age of 91.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

A baby seal walks into a club. I happens to be that the club is having their bi-annual PETA meeting, and the baby seal is chosen as the organization's new mascot. After touring the nation and meeting important world leaders, the baby seal still wonders why there was a club at the North Pole.

thumb_up thumb_down +1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops