What's the difference between a cow and some dirt? They're the same except for almost everything

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A man is driving down the road and breaks down near a monastery. He goes to the monastery, knocks on the door, and says, “My car broke down. Do you think I could stay the night?” The monks graciously accept him, feed him dinner, even fix his car. As the man tries to fall asleep, he hears a strange sound. The next morning, he asks the monks what the sound was, but they say, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man is disappointed but thanks them anyway and goes about his merry way. Some years later, the same man breaks down in front of the same monastery. The monks accept him, feed him, even fix his car. That night, he hears the same strange noise that he had heard years earlier. The next morning, he asks what it is, but the monks reply, “We can’t tell you. You’re not a monk.” The man says, “All right, all right. I’m *dying* to know. If the only way I can find out what that sound was is to become a monk, how do I become a monk?” The monks reply, “You must travel the earth and tell us how many blades of grass there are and the exact number of sand pebbles. When you find these numbers, you will become a monk.” The man sets about his task. Forty-five years later, he returns and knocks on the door of the monastery. He says, “I have traveled the earth and have found what you have asked for. There are 145,236,284,232 blades of grass and 231,281,219,999,129,382 sand pebbles on the earth.” The monks reply, “Congratulations. You are now a monk. We shall now show you the way to the sound.” The monks lead the man to a wooden door, where the head monk says, “The sound is right behind that door.” The man reaches for the knob, but the door is locked. He says, “Real funny. May I have the key?” The monks give him the key, and he opens the door. Behind the wooden door is another door made of stone. The man demands the key to the stone door. The monks give him the key, and he opens it, only to find a door made of ruby. He demands another key from the monks, who provide it. Behind that door is another door, this one made of sapphire. So it went until the man had gone through doors of emerald, silver, topaz, and amethyst. Finally, the monks say, “This is the last key to the last door.” The man is relieved to no end. He unlocks the door, turns the knob, and behind that door he is amazed to find the source of that strange sound. But I can’t tell you what it is because you’re not a monk...

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To buy more crystal meth to fuel his addiction while his wife and children starved in the public houses.

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* pretend your an orphan Knock knock Who's there? Not your parents.

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What is wrong with black stereotypes? Nothing! Basketball is pretty fun if you try it!

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Why did Michael Phelps drown? He didn't because he is the best swimmer in olympic history.

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Two cows are sitting in a bathtub. One cow says please pass the soap. The other cow says nothing, cause it's a cow, making it incapable if speech. The other cow was just a guy in a cow costume.

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A zebra and a giraffe are out in a safari and they see some humans. And then the cow, was drinking, the man was milking the drink, when the giraffe was going to buy some milk. She said, the was yeah okay.

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Some of these jokes are funny, others are sad.

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Your mom is so ugly that you should buy her a paper bag to cover her face because she is just so very unattractive that it burns mine and everyone else's eyes.

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What do you get when you throw a piano down a mine shaft? A flat minor.

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why is walmart so big? Years ago a man named Sam Walton had a vision for one stop shopping and affordable low prices. And it goes without saying that being a one stop shop must mean you have a lot of inventory thus the size of walmart is a lot larger to hold and support the increased mass of inventory that a typical person should or could ever possibly need all in one place.

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why couldnt the little boy watch two and a half men? because charlie sheen left and the other guy had surgeery and now has 2 penises

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A little girl meets a homeless guy named Ian McDermott in downtown Atlanta She then screams stranger danger and a nearby policeman comes and arrests the man.

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How do you hack into someone's computer? A few good hits with a hatchet should do the trick

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Q: What did the serail rapist say to his best friend? A: You're a good friend

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What brown and squishy? um um um um melted kit-kats

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Three Jew begin to walk down the street, they then pursue walking and purchase many goodies from vendors.

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why did the kid fall off his bike he had a serious illness which made it difficult for him to play sports

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Q: Why was the child sad? A: because a doctor was taking bullet fragments out of his chest.

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Why did the cookie go to the doctor? Because he was eaten alive!!!

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Your mother is so ugly that her physical appearance causes her to have a low self-esteem.

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Whats happening when you see your TV floating at night? You are probably suffering from some sort of mental disorder which causes spontaneous hallucinations and should seek medical help before the condition worsens.

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whats funnier than a dead baby? many things. a dead baby is a very sad and tragic thing.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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