Why did the little boy cross the road? He didnt, he got hit by a car and died

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Your momma's so fat, diet and exercise would probably save her life!

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- Why does a kid from Chernobyl have two heads? - Because of the effects of the nuclear disaster that occurred there in 1986.

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Today I wanted to make world peace.... So I killed everyone.

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Have you ever seen the movie called "The Tourist"? No

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What do you call a man with no arms and no legs in a pool? Phil, because that's his name.

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Hey, you know what would be funny? A joke.

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What is worse than getting shot in the leg? Getting shot in the head.

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We could have had it all Rolling in the deep You have my heart inside of your hand As you've just now inexplicably ripped it out of my ribcage.

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Whats pink and silver and runs into walls? A baby with forks in its eyes. Whats green and silver and sits in a corner? The same baby three weeks later.

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How do you hurt a clown? shoot it.

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Your mmma is so stupid when we said the drinks were in the house. She went looking for them!

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What's the difference between Jesus and a painting? It only takes one nail to hang up a painting.

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How do you cut the sea in half? You can't. There are an odd amount of letters. You would have to jeopardize the "e", but then it would no longer be "sea".

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What did the Amazonian tribesman say to the European explorer? Nothing, he was focussing on eating him.

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A white police officer pulled over a black guy on the highway. The cop asked him for license and registration. The black guy had a tail light out, and was very polite and cooperative. The two became close friends, but then one night, the black guy went to the house of the white cop. The black guy brought his wife and daughter over for a dinner party, eating grilled turkey sandwiches with mayonnaise. When the cop's attractive wife asked the black guy if he would like some fresh watermelon from the patch in their back yard, he respectfully declined, for he needed to return to his own home to patiently wait for a business call from one of his employees, who was also a very intelligent and hard working African male. Once home, the black guy turned on his stereo, to listen to some calming country music at an appropriately low level of volume, as his daughter and wife had gone to sleep, for the wife also had work in the morning, at her law firm, and her daughter had a job interview after her day of classes at Dartmouth were out for the day... then Martin Luther King Jr. woke up from his dream, and was soon thereafter assassinated.

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Why did the man throw his son out the window? His house was on fire

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whats orange and cant talk? an orange

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What is better than winning a gold medal at the parolympic games? Having two legs!

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a horse walks into a bar. the bartender says "why the long face?". the horse answers..."i'm a horse"

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Why did Romney loose the election? Because Obama had more votes

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Your mama's so hairy, she has to shave occasionally.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was an animal with a small brain and could not comprehend the situation.

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What can kill you when it falls out of a tree? Anything of a considerable weight actually.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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