What is the way to a man's heart? Through his stomach. With a knife. Then then go up a little.

How are Justin Bieber and Lady Gaga similar? They are both men except Justin Beiber

A women gets a call saying her only daughter is trapped inside a burning building. She runs as fast as she can too her car before she realizes... women can't drive due to their role in society, so she returned to the kitchen and continued to make her master's sandwhich.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as this could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

An Irishman and an Englishman are in a bar. Suddenly a wild Dragonite attacks. The Englishman promptly catches the pokemon and continues to enjoy his drink with his Irish friend.

A newly wed couple is at the beach and the wife asks for sunscreen and the man says he forgot it in the car. He goes to the car only to find that the car had been broken into. He goes to call his wife and they go back to the car only to find that the car had been stolen. #Turns out the thief broke the window to steal the car but saw the owner coming and hid behind a bush and upon the man going to call his wife he continued with his mission

Why did the blonde make pasta even though she had a gluten allergy? She had some Italian friends coming over. Also she bought some gluten-free pasta and sauce so she wouldn't need to be hospitalized.

What do you call it when you take cheese that isn't yours? Stolen bitch, your under-arrest!

I dyed my armpit hair blue yesterday because I wanted to start a new trend. My boyfriend later broke up with me.

Why was the man's foot hurting? Because he was being fed into a wood chipper

What's yellow, black, and makes you laugh? A bus full of black people going off a cliff.

In Soviet Russia, this type of joke would be considered evidence to throw you into the gulag.

Q. How can you tell if a snake bites? A. It depends on if he walks to school or carries his lunch.

Knock Knock Who's There Carly Carly Who Hey I just met you, and this is crazy So here's my number and call me maybe

Whats black on top and white on bottom? Rape.

Technically rainbows are white.....and have gold at the end.

What is green and is not grass A frogg

A man walks into a bar. He says ouch.

S + B + B = SB fuckin' B

Why did the koala fall out of the tree? Because it was dead. Why did the baby fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the koala.

Three friends were walking to school, they all looked in front of them and ran away. What did they see? A 200 ft dragon eating their school.

why was the kid crying his dad is a alchoholic

How do you confuse an English Professor? Light your pants on fire and flop around like a fish.

What does a penguins wear on it's feet? Nothing penguins are incapable of wearing foot wear, also they do not have feet they are called 'flippers'.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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