What did the chicken do? He crossed the road.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the golfer do on his vacation? He played golf.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Fact: 100% of people who drink alcohol will die.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What do you call a man with only one eye? Half blind.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the chicken cross the road? Across the street was a strip mall containing a dry cleaners where he had to pick up his suit for his cousins wedding. The wedding caused controversy in the family considering she was jewish. He had a lot to drink and took a cab home, knowing the dangers of drunk driving in todays society. He had a great time.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock, knock. Now before I asked "Who's there" I first opened the door as then I can see who's there without having to ask them through the door.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

GOODBYE

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the Nun refude to say Thank You Father? Because she was raped by her father as a child.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

If a tree falls on a deaf person, does anyone care?

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: What's worse than having a terrorist throw a fridge at you? A: World War 5

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did Shrek eat the onions? Anyone who has seen the Shrek films would know that Shrek never mentions anything about eating onions. In the first movie, Shrek and donkey have a conversation in which he compares himself to an onion, but the scene lasts maybe a minute and never again does Shrek mention onions in any way, shape, or form. For whatever reason, this one scene has turned onions into the strongest signature icon associated with Shrek.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Who won the race between the turtle and the hare? Well, odds are the two creatures wouldn't race given that animals do not speak. However, if they were, the hare would most likely win a land race because of its powerful legs and agility. However, if the turtle happened to be a seaturtle and the race took place underwater, our dear little beloved turtle would win, having the advantage over the rabbit.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's cold, tired, wet, and starving? A girl up at 4:00 am that just came out of a cold shower.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Two black guys are in a car. Who is driving? One of the black guys.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A man and his friend walk into a bar. The first man says "I'll have some H2O." The second man, quite thirsty, says "I would like some H2O too." The second man dies because the bartender is a serial killer and gave the man the hydrogen peroxide he ordered. The first man is killed with a shovel.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

So there were these three guys on a plane, one with a ruptured hernia, one with a stomach infection and one with a raging case of gingivitis. Half way through the flight the pilot said, "unfortunately we will not it make to our destination... we are crashing." The three men then went to get the parachutes. they then say that there was only two. the man with the ruptured hernia picked one up and threw it out the door and pushed out the guy with the stomach infection. The guy with the raging case of gingivitis said, "why did you do that... we could have used that parachute!" the man with the ruptured hernia responded, "taco." and jumped out of the plane. the pilot then goes on the intercom and says," sorry. false alarm. we will not be crashing, please enjoy the rest of your flight."

thumb_up thumb_down +14

"Lassie, Lassie, come quick! Timmy is in the well!" "I'm a dog," replies Lassie. "You folks have ropes, ladders, and opposable thumbs. What the hell could I possibly do to help?" With that final act of disobedience, Lassie was turned into fertilizer.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

When life hands you lemons you can't make lemonade, Sugar and Water are two other key ingredients that were not included with the lemons.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

A Mormon walks out of a bicycle store.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What's funny about your mom? Nothing, she died three weeks ago.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Your momma is so ugly that when she stepped on the mirror, it broke.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

a guys was walking down the street in Queens. a attractive young woman walked by. He was interested in here so he said nice things and they ended up going on a date. She had a big butt.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

whats worse than a 6 dead babies in a dumpster? You were babysitting them.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops