I can prove I'm a psychic - this post is going to receive a lot of dislikes.

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People really hate it when sentenses don't end the way elephants wear hats

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Three construction workers, an Italian guy, a Mexican guy, and a American guy are sitting on top of a building eating lunch. The Italian is tired of eating meatballs, the Mexican is eating a burrito, and the American is eating a cheeseburger. They are all fed up with eating the same lunch every day. The next day they all jump off the building for unrelated reasons. It is a tragedy and their families mourn the loss.

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Why didn't the black kid get anything for Christmas? His family was Jewish.

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So a Mexican a Jew and a Philippino walk across the street What Happened? the border patrol shot them

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Brother: Where is my Guitar? Me: To the Left to The left Brother : No its not Me: Everything you own in the box to the to the left Brother : Im telling Mom Me: In the Closet Thats my stuff and if i bought please don't touch Brother: *Opens Closet* This is all Mine! Me: *Takes off headphones*? Huh? Brother: Nevermind - _ -

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How do you fit 76 babies in a bath tub... With a blender. How do you get them back out? With tortilla chips.

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Why did Suzie fall of the swing???? she had down syndrome

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Q: Whats worst than the Holocaust A: If a second Holocaust happened, and then you found an apple in your apple

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Why was New Zealand attacked by Australia? New Zealand attacked Australia due to a teritorial dispute. The war lasted for 3 years with over 150000 deaths.

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Can we still mine for gold in the American River? No, anyone seen mining for gold is considered a hobo and all the gold is cleared out by random people in the 17 century

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What do you call a boy with no arms or legs that gets stepped on a lot? Mat.

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Why did the man drink a glass of water? Why not?

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the person above me ^ lost his virginity to a howler monkey and the person below me was his gay friend untill he found out about his recent run in with a howler monkey and does not wish the same fait as he does.

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Q: What is every blonde's ambition? A: To be like Vanna White and learn the alphabet.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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You no what the biggest lie in history is? Agreeing to the terms and services whenever you sign up for a website

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Two trains, each having a speed of 30km/h, are headed at each other on the same straight track. A bird that can fly 60km/h flies off the front of one train when they are 60km apart and heads directly for the other train. After reaching the other train, the bird flies directly back to the first train, and so forth. What is the total distance the bird travels before the train collide? Who cares about the bird if two trains are going to collide? You need to call this in immediately.

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Q~ What did the black man say to the priate when he pulled out a AK47? A~ "This is a gun. im going to kill you with it."

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I will create more jobs for americans

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A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line. "You must be single." the clerk says. Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?". "Because you're ugly".

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, This poem doesnt rhyme And your entire family died trying to fly to your house for Christmas. They crashed into a orpanage for death children. There were no survivors.

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How many babies can you fit in a blender? None, the blender is too small. Also it is illegal to kill a baby infant because they are considered human. You can get life in prison or the death penalty for committing such a heinous crime.

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What is one similarity between John Samos, and the dreadful clown? they have a red nose and are payed to be funny, aside from John Samos!

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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