A 65 year old man is tired with his life. He begins to realize that it is meaningless to him. He wants no part in the world anymore so he decided to commit suicide. On his way to commit suicide, he comes across a magical man that has an extraordinary offer. This magical man has offered to grant the 65 year old man the power to fly. The 65 year old man, accepts the offer in great interest, but the magical man wants something in return for his deed. The 65 year old man, offers all the money in his wallet to the magical man. The magical man accepts his offer of all the money and continues. With a flick of the wrist, the magical man says, "fly, fly, high as the sky, i grant this man the ability to fly". The 65 year old man is greatly excited now that he has the ability to fly. He cant wait to try out his new power. He runs to the nearest cliff and jumps. Too bad the "magical man" was really a male prostitute that was broke and homeless. The 65 year old man died on impact and the male prostitue walked away with a wallet full of cash.

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Why is the baby on fire? Because there was a gas leak at the day care facility. It would have been a terrible tragedy had a heroic babysitter not come to the rescue.

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How many hours of sleep did Jimmy get last night? Zero, because he has insomnia. Jimmy got fired from his job today because of his lack of energy and motivation due to his disorder. His wife divorced Jimmy because he can no longer support her and their two kids.

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Why did Timmy start a fire? Because Timmy was a derranged phycopath

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Why didn't susie use the jump rope She had no arms, replied carl No, susie doesn't like using jump ropes replies the mother

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what does michael jackson do to little boys? nothing, he's dead.

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Three blind mice go into a pub, but they are unaware of their surroundings so to derive humour from it would be exploitative.

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If a tree falls in the woods, how many animals lost their home to deforestation?

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::ring::ring::ring:: Hello? Is your refrigerator running? Yes, yes it does! Why? I work for a local home appliance superstore and we are having a special on repairs and maintenance. Would you like to try our home appliance maintenance offer? I'm sorry no! I do not actually have a refrigerator. I only have a cooler. Bye! ::the man shuts off his cell phone and sets it on top of his styro-foam cooler as he mumbles to himself alone while on his boat, "Darn advertisement offers!" and continues to fish in the middle of the lake::

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he saw some pandas spooning.

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what's the difference between a jew and a pizza? a jew is a member of a religion called Judaism, they're generally tall and have curly hair, however not in all situations is this true. They celebrate Chanukah and passover and many other holidays. Pizza is an italian dish, it's round, has red sauce and cheese on it and is pretty tasty.

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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so a blind man walks into a bar, then a chair, then a table.

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What is worse than throwing your baby in the river? Letting Moses out of Egypt

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Q. What did the woman use for vaginal medication? A. Standard Strength Vagisil.

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Why couldn't the man walk? He lost his legs when he stepped on a land mine in Afghanistan.

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If Johnny has 4 dollars and Clarissa has 7 dollars, how many dollars do they have all together? 11 dollars Knock knock Who's There? Johnny Johnny who? Johnny and Clarrisa, all together we have 11 dollars.

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your mom is so fat, that your father is no longer attracted to her and it is tearing your family apart.

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What were Benjamin Franklin's first words after he died? It's been 225 years and we still don't know yet.

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Q: Why is it funny to laugh at gay men? A: They like men.

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Roses are red Bacon is also red Poems are hard Bacon

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why shouldn't you get a clown angry? Because they'll yell at you.

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How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to take three harpoons to the chest and still manage to feast on a family of baby seals...... Hi my name is Joey

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How did the fireman get to the police station? He massacred his wife and children.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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