How do you confuse an English Professor? Light your pants on fire and flop around like a fish.

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What did the black do when a man robbed his house? He called 911

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Sarah lost both arms in a car accident Knock knock Who's there? Not sarah. Roses are red Violets are blue Wow. Clever Knock knock Who's there? Still not Sarah, as she is in a serious condition at her local hospital, and so is fighting for her life.

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what did the mexican do yesterday? bang your mom

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A man is walking down the beach and he spots an antique looking lamp in the sand, he picks it up and rubs it. Nothing happens and the man begins to cry realizing that his life is so dismal and pathetic he was ready to believe he had found a magic lamp. He proceeds to run into the water and bash himself senseless with a large rock until he passes out and drowns.

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if john has 400 cookies and eats 300 what does he have left? diabetes

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Customer Service "May I help you?" "Yes."

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn't, it got hit by a bus on the way over.

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Ask me if I'm a car. Are you a car¿ Yes¡

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Spot the mistake: a) x+2= 5 => x=3. b You.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died.

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Roses are red Bacon is red Poems are hard Bacon

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Turns out he was needed immediately at a business meeting.

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How many electricians does it take to change a lightbulb? No seriously, I don't know because we've only just got electricity in our village.

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This is an anti-joke. It is not funny because "anti" means the opposite of something.

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SPILL THE BEAAAANNSSSS

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what did the guy think who woke up with his hands and feet nailed to a barn. IS THIS BECAUSE IM BLACK!

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Why did the Mexican jump the fence? He was at his neighbors house and it was shorter to cut through yards than to walk to his house

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A brunette, a redhead and a blonde are on the run from the police. They see a barn, and decide to hide inside it. They find three burlap sacks, and each hide in one. The police enter the barn, arrest each of the girls, and sentence them to life imprisonment for murder.

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How do you punish Hellen Keller Move the furniture around

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I love bacon therefor I love people who eat bacon execpt people who eat my bacon then I hate people who eat bacon

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Why do birds fly South in the winter? Warmer, better food sources and therefore greater chance of survival.

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Chuck Norris was in a staring contest with the sun. He's blind now.

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What did the Goldfish say to the Black man? Nothing, because Goldfish do not have human-like vocal cords and therefore the Goldfish cannot speak.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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