What's the difference between an elephant and a grape? They're both fruit. Except the elephant.

Your moms so fat, she needed repruductive surgury.

your momma so fat, that she secretly crys every night, because she is so self concious about her weight. and has to talk to a therapist because shes bolemic and has suicidal thoughts, because she cant stand the way she looks

Why couldn't Michael J. Fox draw a perfect circle? Because he has parkinsons and therefore couldn't keep his hand steady.

Q:Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, an honest lawyer and an old drunk are walking down the street together when they simultaneously spot a hundred dollar bill. Who gets it? A:The old drunk, of course; the other three are mythological creatures.

How do you make an egg laugh? That is an irrational question eggs are inanimate object and are unable to laugh

So a penguin walks into a bar. Penguin's have been affected by global warming so much that they decide to drink away as they near their final hours.

You mama's so fat, that the doctor suggested that she go on a diet.

Q.What happens when Torres scores A. He doesn't

What do you call it when an old person cuts off their fingers? Dementia

A horse walks into a bar, the bartender says: Why the long face? The horse says: "My wife's dead."

cop arrests a jew and interrogates him Jew. i aint telling you nothing cop: really cop pours a bag of coins on the table jew: thats about $7.80 cop: you can have it if you tell us what we want to know jew: ok jew: i stole the money 123

why did the man paint his house? cause he never wanted to mow the lawn

What do you call a mexican man with a rubber toe? Ruberto.

Q. How many grains of rice can you fit in an egg? A. Fire extinguisher.

Q: What is the first thing you do if you wake up and meet the entire justice league(!!!) Which tells you that you are the "chosen one" and that only you can save the world once your true powers awaken? A: Increase your schizo medication.

In order to find a woman, you need time and money. Woman=Time&Money The longer you spend at work, the more money you get. Time=Money Money is the root of most problems in the world today. Money=Problems Therefore Women=Problems

what do you get if you cross a scotsman , who knows nothing about football and a indian? Blackburn rovers, and a good night out

Why did the sheriff cross the road? Cuz I told him to.

Knock Knock Who's there? The Police. Come out with your hands up!

If you have 12 apples and I have 12 ice cubes how many pancakes fit on a roof? Purple because aliens don't wear hats.

Are you black? Kill yourself.

Beans, beans the magical fruit. The more you smoke, the blacker your lungs get.

Knock, knock who's there? Not your Dad, because he left and created a better family.

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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