Comedian: Do you all wanna hear a joke? Audience: Yeah!!! Comedian: Okay! What did the bad comedian say to the audience? Audience: What?!! Comedian: Chicken butt. Thank you, you've been a great crowd. Good night!

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Why couldn't the old man see? He was deaf

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A Duck, a Mexican guy and Helen Keller walk into a bar. The bartender asks "What do each of you want?" The duck doesn't respond because is is a duck. The Mexican guy doesn't respond because he doesn't know English that well. Helen Keller does't respond because she is dead.

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If life hands you lemons... Question yourself what just happened because life isn't tangible and has no way of handing you lemons, and even if it did, why lemons?

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Roses are red Violets are blue The last time I saw your mom I made you

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Two scientists are working in a lab. The first one asks, "Do you want some sodium?" The second one pours acid into the first one's eyes.

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how many Arabs and Jews can you fit on a bus? The bus in question is a 56 seater,so 56. If you cram some people in the aisles you could probably fit 65 if you didn't care about anyone's comfortability sheesh you might even for in 100 or more.

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Why was Sally in a wheelchair? Her abusive father beat her repeatedly with a rake.. Then as she crawled out the door to try and get help, the abusive father took his Dodge Ram and ran over her legs reapeatedly. Then began to slap her. Luckily, a vigilante saw the whole thing and slaughtered the father with an axe and carefully escorted Sally to the hospital. After a couple of weeks of beautiful and extraordinary care, Sally made a full recovery and was able to leave.. and all patients have to leave in a wheelchair

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The man goes to the doctor after just losing his job because his company went under because of the econmic crisis. His house is being foreclosed because without the money from his job he can't afford to pay for his house. His girlfriend also just left him because of recent conflicts about money and she was looking forward to having a family and with him jobless it was just out of the question. Man:"Doctor I could really use some good news" Doctor:"You have aids"

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what is big and white? Your Mom

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What did the muffin, say to the other muffin? Nothing. Because muffin's are inanimate objects, therefore incapable of speech, or any other sentient action. They baked quietly until the man who was baking them came to the conclusion they were fit for consumption, devoured them, and went on with his day.

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What's the difference between a lawyer and a catfish? one's a scum-sucking bottom feeder, the other is a lawyer

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One man calls emergency: - Come immediately, my little son has swallowed a condom! After five minutes, the same man calls back: - It is OK, I found another one.

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What's fat and round and has a ballsack nose? Mr Chicken

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why did sally fall off a swing she had no arms knock knock who's there not sally

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Don't you just hate it when somebody is saying something interesting and they don't finish their sentence?

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Why did grandma drop the dish? She had a heart attack and died, falling to the ground and thus bringing the plate with her to the floor.

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Knock knock. Who's there? The bailiffs, we have come to take your house

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What's worse than a piece of food stuck between your teeth? I don't know, what? A cruise ship stuck between your teeth.

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whats the difference from a jew and a christian the jew got arrested for rape

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Dane Cook makes a joke.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because a black man was chasing his dinner.

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What did Robin do in between crime fighting? He had a paper route.

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Why did Hellen Keller drive off of the cliff? Because she is a woman.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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