Person 1 Hey man what's up Person 2 nothing much I just impregnated your mom

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a pan of muffins comes out of the oven one muffin says "hey im really burnt" another muffin says "oh my gosh! a talking muffin!"

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What did Goldilocks ask the Three Bears? Nothing, bears are aggressive mammals and killed her before she could speak.

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There is a high speed pursuit when suddenly the suspect's car skids out of control and crashes into a field. Two cows witness the commotion, when one turns round to the other and says "Moo"

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Kid A:We're home alone, you know what that means. Kid B:Cover ourselves in vaseline and slide around like slugs on the kitchen floor? Kid A:Yes

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why did the boat crash? a tomato was driving

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Why did Dan fall of his bicycle? Because somebody threw a refrigerator at him.

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Roses are red Violets are red Grass is red OMFG MY LAWN IS ON FIRE !!!?

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I found out I had asthma earlier today. I was breathless.

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How did the failing slut get an A -she studied really hard

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whats the best part about ebola? nothing ebola is a dangerous virus

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Penis

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What has two legs? Half a cat

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Why did the girl blush when she opened the fridge? Because she saw the salad dressing

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Knock Knock... Who's there? JUST LET ME IN!

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Why is my penis so small? No, seriously, can anyone tell me?

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A red and blue penguin are taking showers. The red penguin can't find the soap so he yells down the hall to the blue penguin "Hey, where is my soap?" The blue penguin replies, "What do I look like a typewriter?"

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A man walks into his room with a DVD and a box of kleenex. The DVD is a wedding video of his now dead wife.

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An old man walks into a bar. He drinks 3 beers and dies. The bartender calls paramedics but when the police came they arrested the bartender for beating his wife. A few hours later an earthquake destroys the bar and everyone was evacuated and many were injured. The manager was driving to the scene but has a car accident with the ambulance. It was such a bad day.

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So I have an idea that will solve both world population and hunger problems! I call it the Omni-Abortion law. The idea is that all babies must be aborted and then eaten. Progressive, right?

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What is funny about a man who chews tobacco? Nothing, the man was diagnosed with mouth cancer at a young age and got his jaw removed, he was very upset.

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Why did the jewish family move? Their house burnt down. They lost everything and was tragic

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? She has no arms.

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. He was at Victoria's Secret and he wasn't watching where he was going.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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