Confucius says... He with whom neither slander that gradually soaks into the mind, nor statements that startle like a wound in the flesh, are successful may be called intelligent indeed.

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Nero7 How are you doing? This is "Eliza" I hope I will be joining, but I cannot reach you by phone, please respond ASAP time is running out.

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Haikus are easy. But sometimes they don't make sense. Refrigerator.

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What do you call a mouse having sex? A spouse.

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What do you get when you have 5 Russians, a few 8 year olds, and guns? A kidnapping

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*Knock Knock* Who's there? "Justin Bieber" And you let him in because he's a young talented singer.

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A giant foot comes over the town and a man says "theres something big afoot" hahahahahahaha

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What do you call John Lennon without glasses? A skeleton, because John Lennon is dead.

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How do you get a Jew into a car? Tell him to get i the car.

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What's the difference in an orange? A chicken because a vest has no sleeves.

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Did you know Helen Keller had a doll house? She didn't either.

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the only thing i learned in geometry is when you push two circles together it makes a titty venn diagram

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What's black and white and enforces the rules at football games? A referee? Wow you're really smart.

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Whats the biggest party fowl? Murder

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A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar. The priest has his papers but the rabbi is sent to a concentration camp.

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Got a card in the mail from my estranged uncle today. Yep.

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whats worse then getting a bad present on your birthday? dying.

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I viewed the terms of service and did not agree to them.

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What's annoying and wears glasses? The kid next to you

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what's worse, ten babies stapled to a tree or one baby stapled to ten trees?

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In the middle of english class, Little Timmy raised his hand and asked "Can I use the restroom" The english teacher said " I don't know, CAN you?" Little Timmy said "When I was using "can" I was using its secondary model form as a verbal modifier asking for permission, as opposed to expressing an ability. I thought since you were a teacher you'd know that. My bad. MAY I use the restroom?

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What does a frog in a blender sound like? *WWWRRRRRRRBFFFFZZZZZCHWEEERRRRRR*

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welcome to australia. *kangaroo kicks you in the gut and you keel over, whereupon you are stampeded by wild dingoes and eaten by tasmanian devils*

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A man walks into a bar. He orders a beer, then suddenly dies of a heart attack.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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