A priest and a small child enter a bar. The bartender takes his son back from the priest, paying him $30 for his exemplary babysitting services.

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A man goes into a butcher shop and says, "I bet you 350 euro that you can't reach that bit of meat," indicating a cut of beef hanging above him. The butcher looks up and says, "No way." The man says, "Why not?" And the butcher answers, "I have a huge gambling addiction, after losing my family to it, this job is all I have left" The man leaves, ruing the silly bet he had placed.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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What's faster than the speed of light? Not a car

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You no what the biggest lie in history is? Agreeing to the terms and services whenever you sign up for a website

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Is that a banana in your pants or do you just have an abnormally large penis?

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Well it all began in 1807 when a 7 foot rooster gave birth to a chicken on the sidewalk while purchasing ice cream. Scientists have been intrigued so they went into study with it and won the Nobel prize. This somehow persuaded them to lure the chicken over to the other side by using a lollipop. They threw the lollipop as the chicken crossed the road, hit it in the eye, the chicken spazzed out, jumped in front of a car, teleported to London, and is now a gynecologist.

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What do Jay Williams, Lebron James, Candace Parker and Maya Moore have in common? They were all winners of the Morgan Wootten Player of the Year Award.

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What's worse than finding your whole family dead? Nothing. Finding your family dead is terrible.

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OMG I JUST FOUND THE GREATEST WEBSITE YOU SHOULD TOTALLY CHECK IT OUT OMG ITS http://anti-joke.com/submit

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My friend is a famous actor. Fooled you! I have no friends.

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Guess my favourite fruit. Peach.

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Oh NOES! She does worry about me! YOU MUST APOLOGIZE! Relax, the body has two sources of happy drugs, one is the sweet calm stuff I am really bad at, and the other comes with adrenaline and stuff, the name of which I do not remember, both are important, but yeah, I am a thrill seeker, and when I do not find them, I make a thrill out of whatever I got, whatever that means.

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Why did the man have no head? It was blown off in Iraq 2 and days ago

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12 niqqa 12.

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Why did the bus drive off the cliff? It's driver happened to be a tomato.

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Whats black and white and red all over? A dead zebra

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How do you make a sandwich out of clay? Shape it like a sandwich

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what's bloody and sweet? A squashed mosquito sprinkled with sugar.

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What time is it when an elephant jumps over your fence? Actually, elephants don't jump.

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What do you call a dog with 3 legs? Just because it has 3 legs dosnt mean you have to call it anything different

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Roses are red, Facebook is blue, we have mutual friends, and violets are blue and roses are red. FRIDGE

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Why was the little boy hit by a bus? I pushed him

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Why did the boy get coal in his stalking. Cause he wants to be a geologist and that's what he asked for.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops