Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are red, FUCK, MY GARDEN IS ON FIRE!

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what is the only thing in the world that can pick up 1000 jews at once? A vacuum cleaner

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A man died in a sky-diving accident. What was the last thing that went through his mind before he died? His feet

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a black person was walking into his home. good thing balls like apple juice and Miley Cyrus was keeping guard with her sword.

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I once saw my grandparents making love.. that's why I dont eat raisens

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Why did the sloth cross the road? To slaughter your entire family.

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Why does Sally sell sea shells down by the sea shore? To support her growing crack addiction that is ruining Sally's and Sally's families lives

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Seargent: Quick seal off all the exits so he cant get away. Private: OK 2 minutes later Private: He escaped sir Seargent: What, how Private: through one of the entrances

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple getting blow jobed by a giant squirrel

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When A Shouty Man Goes Into His House. His Sister Nearly Kills Him So When A Shouty Man Goes Into A Library. The Books Try To Kill Him.

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What do you call a clock that neither ticks nor tocks? A broken clock

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One day a terribly epileptic child is put on on a strict Atkins diet by his loving mother. A week later he finds that the frequency and intensity of his seizures have been reduced by its ketogenic effects, which provides exogenous fats for the body to burn, but limits the available carbohydrate so that ketone bodies build up. It is the high level of these ketones which appear to suppress seizures.

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What did the father give to his son with terminal cancer for his 5th birthday? Nothing the kids going to die anyway

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A Russian drinking something other than vodka.

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A man sees another man standing at the edge of a tall bridge looking down. Man: Don't jump! No one wants you to die. You have your whole life to live and I'm sure you will find happiness somewhere. I was once in the same position as you, questioning if god really wanted me on this earth at all. But I decided to make something of myself and now I am a very successful busness man. You can do the same if you just put your mind to it and put your troubles behind you. Other man: I was just admiring the view.

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Chuck Norris walks in to a bar then many people greet him because of his celebrity status.

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What did the polar bear say to the penguin? What are you doing here?

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When life gives you lemons. Don't take things from strangers

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Welcome to Horsehead! 1. Our servers are derpy right now, do yourself a favor and never come back, oh yes they are gonna be derpy right then too! 2. THIS IS MY WORLD PEOPLE MYYYYY WOOOOOOOORLD!... ...Ps: My world sucks. 3. Antijokes 30000 per day, other stuff, Zero. (30000 by me) 4. You: People better like me because I dont like myself. Me: I like myself FUCK PEOPLE! FUCK YOU! (thats me on horsehead) welcome to die! 5. IRIS... IRIS! WHAT AM I TYPING FOOOOOOOOOOOOR!

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roses are red, violets are blue, i have Alzheimer's, CHEESE ON TOAST

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Knock Knock. READ THE DAMN SIGN IT SAYS NO SOLICITORS!!! ... yeah.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I touch myself at night.

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What do you call a dead black man? A corpse.

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Guest what? Dog

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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