Miss Jones has 10 apples on her desk. Billy takes half of them away and runs. What does Miss Jones have? 5 apples and a complaint filed for smacking Billy with a ruler.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's the difference between sand and menstral blood? I can't gargle sand

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did Grandma Sally give Little Timmy for Christmas? Herpes

thumb_up thumb_down -11

how do you get an old man to fall? tip over his wheelchair

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did john say to bob Hey bob

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Roses are red Violets are blue I'm a paranoid schizophrenic and so am i

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Did you hear about the Polish couple taking selfies while on vacation in Portugal? They fell off a cliff and died in front of their children. True story.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Whats worse than finding a maggot in your apple? Getting Raped

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What do you get when you throw a bagel at a chicken? One less bagel.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Scenario - Two astronauts are kayaking down the Sahara dessert. Question - How many pancakes does it take to shingle a doghouse? Answer - Purple, because ice cream has no bones.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's worst than biting into an apple and finding a worm? The holoca- *the man hearing the joke then pulls out a desert eagle and shoots the man in the chest before finishing the joke then goes to jail for the rest of his life*

thumb_up thumb_down -11

How do you get dislikes on anti-joke.com? You can dislike your own post from several different IP addresses.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why did the person get hit by a fridge? They didn't for its physically impossible for most people to throw a normal sized refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

There was a man with a job and kids. One day he came home from his job and went to sleep. He never woke up because it turns out he had a heart attack.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What's up? Up Adverb: Toward the sky or a higher position. Preposition: From a lower to a higher point on (something); upward along: "I climbed up a flight of steps". Adjective: Directed or moving toward a higher place or position: "the up escalator". Noun: A period of good fortune. Verb: Do something abruptly or boldly: "she upped and left him". Synonyms: adverb. upward - upwards - aloft - above - upstairs - overhead preposition. on - upon - over - along - with adjective. rising noun. ascent - rise - upgrade verb. raise - enhance - increase - lift - rise

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q what r u eating under there? Aunderwear ewww thats nasty

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Q: How man Jews can you fit in a box? A:if your German than you tell me.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

A man walks into a bar and shuffles his way through the intoxicated patrons. He finds the only open stool and quickly sits in it before any other see it. The bartender approaches him and ask: "What will it be?" The man replies: "Can I have a beer?"

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Little Anny fell on a sidewalk. Why isn't she crying? 'Cause I've thrown her out off the tenth floor.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

There are three guys on an airplane, a Korean, a Mexican, and an American. The pilot comes on the speaker and syays,"The plane is to heavy, throw out the thing you have most in your country." The Korean throws out an AK-47 and says,"We have to many of these in our country." The Mexican throws out a taco and says,"We have to many of these in our country." The American throws out the Mexican and says,"We have to many of these in our country."

thumb_up thumb_down -11

What did the world's greatest bowler say when he got a gutterball? "Spare me the irony!" Get it? It's because he's made of metal.

thumb_up thumb_down -11

If you don't see banners here, it doesn't mean they are not there...

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Like if you have a vagina. Also like if you have a dong. (Penis)

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Why was 2 afraid of three Because it bigger

thumb_up thumb_down -11

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops