Why did Carl the cat die? he didnt. he's still alive.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A jew walked out of a bar then goes to the other bar across the street then walks out from the back door to go to another bar The Actions of this jew tells us that there are only 3 bars in the zone and one pet shop

thumb_up thumb_down +16

How can you tell if an elepant has been in your refrigerator? It has been destroyed.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What's brown,green got four legs and can fall out of a tree and kill you? A snooker table.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the businessman do to get a promotion? He traded oral sex for his male bosses kind heart...

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Knock knock Who's there? To To whom? No, its To Who now, since I married

thumb_up thumb_down +16

“It doesn’t take a lot to turn me on” – William Deane

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What shall we do with the drunken sailor? Call the police to have him escorted off the boat for operating a large veichle under the influence of alcohol.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Q: Why did the chicken cross the road? A: To get to the other side

thumb_up thumb_down +16

justin beiber is having intimate sex with a woman.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What is green, and could kill you if it falls out of a tree? A pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Hey, in case you are around and still wonder how he got out. Anonymous tip from yours truly, if he had remained there, you would all have taken the blame. Just stay away from the deep web, and I wont be forced to come get all of you as well. For a long while I was suspicious that you might have been leaking information regarding me and all of us, but then the rules changed and information regarding Point Zero, subtle hints and such, began spreading, it has been removed, nobody will know what Intel was sold, so yeah, he was a mole, he is no more, for this I am sorry.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

A man with Tourette's syndrome walks into a bar. Because of his disease, he shouts unexpected profanities across the room, and everybody in the bar bursts into laughter. The man cannot handle the humiliation anymore and goes home. He opens a drawer in his bedroom, pulls out a gun, and points it at his head. His wife walks in on him about to commit suicide. She is horrified. He then looks at her and then down, and he notices his one and only daughter by the age of 7 is by her side. The man ponders his reckless decision he was about to make. Moments later he and his family are holding one another sobbing in each others arms. A few days later the man goes back to the bar and shoots everybody there. Shocked and afraid, he curled up into a ball and regretted his decision. An hour later the police arrived and he was sentenced to life in prison for 3rd degree murder. His wife moved on and started a new family with his former best friend, and his daughter vists him every first tuesday of every other month. The man still suffers from Tourette's and cannot control his ticks and rots in jail. He continues to scream random obscenities for the rest of his life with no parole.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Why did the woman make the man a sandwich? Because the man severed his spinal cord and is no longer able to move any of his limbs.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

what do you call a man that has a terminal illness and is named James - James

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Two men were walking down the street. All of a sudden, the first man turns to the second and pulls out his hands of 4 fingers each. The second man shows his hand of 6 fingers each. What does this show about them? Together they have 20 fingers total.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

i went to the bar. soon after i entered the bar i got kicked out. why? becuase i'm seventeen.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

why was little timmys mother so upset on mothers day? Because he had been abducted earlier that week

thumb_up thumb_down +16

What did the viking say to the alien? "Vad i namn av valhalla är en utlänning gör här?"

thumb_up thumb_down +16

When I see the Viagra commercial telling you about all the side effects and they say "if you have an erection lasting for more than 4 hours, call a doctor." If I have an erection that lasts that long, I'm not calling a doctor. I'm calling my mom; who I always call when I'm sick.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did little Tommy eat an apple? Because he was on a diet

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a Muslim Extremest at the bottom of the ocean? A terrible tragedy for the Muslim community.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

whats green and red green and red green and red? a frog in a blender.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

what do you call a bunch of black people running down a hill Exercise

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops