Why was the girl-scout crying? I hit her in the knee with a baseball bat.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What happened to the little boy that went to The Penn State locker room? He had a great day meeting the team and watching the football game.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

A man walks into a park. He gets abducted and raped by flying asparagus.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

Q: When is a door not a door? A: Before it has been asembled or after it has been taken down and no longer maintains the physical form of that which a door typically has.

thumb_up thumb_down +38

What do you call a jew without a nose? A most likely kind and interesting anti- steriotypical person

thumb_up thumb_down +36

why did the slytherin cross the road twice? ... because they are double-crossers.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

what would george washington do if he was alive today? he would scream and scratch his coffiin

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A blind man walks into a bar, bystanders help him up.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What do you call a jewish person at a construction site? A builder

thumb_up thumb_down +34

There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy. "Can I touch it?" "No way -- you already broke yours off!"

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What did the black man in a white van get when he went over the speed limit? A speeding ticket

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he was dead

thumb_up thumb_down +32

Have you seen Stevie Wonders house?. No, Well neither has he...

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Have you ever had a traditional Ethiopian Dinner? Neither have they.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What's worse than getting dumped? Heart Failure.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A Jew, a Muslim, and a black guy board a plane. Who gets kicked off first? The jew for his unruly behavior towards the flight attendant.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

A blonde dies Lololol

thumb_up thumb_down +28

roses are red violets are blue sunflowers are yellow I bet you were expecting something romantic but this is just gardening facts

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Jerry Rice is walking down the streets of San Francisco when all of a sudden he hears sirens coming from the next street down. He hurries down the road to see what's happening and sees a huge fire engulfing a 10 story building. And on the top floor, a lady is leaning out the window shouting to the firemen below. FIREMAN: Come on, lady, jump. We have the tarp here, we'll be able to catch you. LADY: No....I can't. My baby, my baby is up here. FIREMAN: Throw the baby down, we'll catch him. LADY: No, you'll miss. I can't leave my baby. Jerry sees this and steps forward. "Hey, I think I can help. Let me have the bullhorn." JERRY: Hey lady, I'm Jerry Rice, the wide receiver for the San Francisco 49er's. I'm the best wide receiver in the game, throw your baby down and I'll catch him, this is what I do for a living. Being a 49er fan herself, the lady recognizes Jerry and throws her baby down to him. Just as she throws it though, a huge gust of wind comes and takes the baby and starts to blow him off course. Jerry sees this and takes off after the baby. He hurdles the line closing off the area, fights through the crowd, dodges a couple of fire fighters, jumps over the car, and dives forward, just making a fingertip catch of the baby. The crowd around him goes wild and starts cheering his amazing catch. So Jerry jumps to his feet, raises his finger into the air, does a two step and then spikes the baby. If you have any dead baby jokes that are not here, I want to hear from you. Email me your dead baby jokes at skitzopathik@hotmail.com and I'll add them to this page.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did Marsha say when she ate the apple pie? Nothing. It would be rude for her to talk with her mouth full.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did batman say to robin before they got in the car Get in the car

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did the first monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead. Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey. Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? It thought they were playing follow the leader. Why did the refrigerator fall out of the tree? It had no arms. Why did the little girl fall off her tricycle? She was hit by three monkeys and a refrigerator.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Roses are red My parents are dead I am Batman.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops