My childhood friend said she had a bad breakup with her husband (yeah husband), and that she needed a really stiff one. Come on! How was I supposed to know she was talking about alcohol! She did blush and smile after I pulled my pants down however, that`s like seven out of ten right? I mean I was just trying to help a friend out right? And myself, fine myself, but it will be a total win/win situation, you know... Those where you win twice? "Dont worry, Im not comming" *pewpew*

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Roses are red, Violets are red, Trees are also red, "Honey, please call the fire department!"

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A woman has sex with an Asian man, then a white man, and then a black man. She chooses to be in a relationship with the black man because he is prepared for the responsibilities of a relationship and the other two men, though both are well endowed, are not ready.

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What did the buisness man say to the hobo? Nothing, he threw an apple at him and laughed!

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What do you call a fat, ugly kid? An unloved child.

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Mother: "George what happenend to your pet rock?" George:"I dont know." Mother:"Here! I found your pet rock. It was in the same place it was before!"

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What do you call a seedless pumpkin? A pumpkin.

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PS3 has the exerrent technorogy and finersse to make excerrent gaming such as... ...ITS RIDGE RACER! RIIIIIIIIIDGE RACEEEEEEEEEEEER!

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Why did the mailman deliver the wrong mail to people's houses? He's a bad mailman.

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How is a monkey like a bicycle? They can both climb trees. Except for the bicycle.

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When Chuck Norris does a push up, he's working out.

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what did the blind man get for christmas? Cancer.....

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Snake: YES muahaha Eve eat the fruit from the three of wisdom muahahaha! Why do you not share with Adam? Muahahaha! Snake: Why is nothing happening? Then the sky opened and a heavenly voice spoke: "Well as long as none eats fruit from the three of KNOWLEDGE... Hmm, I better get rid of it altogether..." Snake: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!

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What would Osama Bin Laden be doing if he were alive today? Drowning

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What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup? You can't drown babies in roast beef.

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What do you call a dog with 5 legs? A dog with 5 legs.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was getting chased by nazis.

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*Knock knock* "Who's there?" "Would you mind turning your music down a bit please? I have reports to write."

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So this guy walks into a bar and– Nevermind it's really not that funny.

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What do you call Jack Black on a bad day? Kevin Hart.

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Why didn't Joe catch the baseball? He got shot by a local gang.

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What is small, cries a lot, and moves at high speeds? A baby stapled to a car.

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9/11 my birthday

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i'm hard

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops