How do you stop a dog from digging up your garden? Every time it does so, shout at the dog so it knows it has misbehaved. Keep doing this and the dog will eventually understand the error of its ways.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

OK, so there's this blonde driving down the road in her brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 Lamborghini. She's cruising at about 95, radio blaring, having a great time. She comes up on this trucker who is carrying a double-wide home and is taking up both lanes. To her disliking, he is only going about 45. To get the point across that she wants to get past, she decides to tailgate him. So, she gets to within a foot of his rear bumper. The trucker looks back and sees her on his ass, and motions for her to get off of it, but to her it looks like a wave and she waves back. Since her first attempt was futile, she decided to get a little closer and begin flashing her headlights, hopefully making herself more visible in the process. Once again the trucker sees her on his ass, and this time motions for her to pull over to the side of the road. The trucker steps out of his vehicle with a chunk of chalk and draws a circle three feet in diameter in the middle of the road. He instructs her not to move until he tells her to. Naive as she was, she agrees to it and steps inside it. The trucker goes back to his truck and pulls out a 50-ounce Louisville Slugger. He walks over to the Lamborghini and beats it, and beats it, and beats it again. When he is done, all that is left is a brand new, candy-apple red, $125,000 pile of metal. Satisfied, he throws the bat in his truck and walks over to the blonde. When he gets there, to his astonishment, the cops were waiting. He was found guilty in court and forced to pay the blonde a settlement of $250, 000.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A chicken walks into a bar and orders a beer. Just kidding chickens cant talk and animal control was called

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why didn't the man walk done the stairs? Because he had no legs

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock Knock the door's open, come in

thumb_up thumb_down -1

L.A Clippers 2000-2012 season!!!!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q:What happened when the bear walked into the bar? You cannot answer because you were seriously injured by the bear.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Things i like to do when im bored; chase after ostriches take major dumps masturbate give myself major erections EJ

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Q: What has four eyes but can't see? A: A blind guy with glasses

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why did the blond fail her Calculus test? She had a Biology test on the same day, and being that she is a bio major she felt it would be to her interest to put more emphasis on the bio test because she is only taking cal as an advanced elective credit, which would not effect her major GPA.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

wat does T.J.C.S. Mean? leave an comment to answer

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What's worse than finding half a worm in your apple? dead parents.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Knock Knock. There was no answer.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

"Knock knock" "Who's there?" "Fairy floss" "Fairy floss who?" "I'm sugar coating your Cancer diagnoses"

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what happened to the girl next door ? she was brutally murdered.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A.M.E.V.A.A A-ny M-essage E-xpressed V-ia A-cronym is A-wesome

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why was the chubby bird that you were staring at you angry. Because you were looking at him.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

what did the history teacher say to his class? Get your books out.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

A student goes up to the teacher because he has to go to the washroom. The teacher tells him that he has to sing the ABC's before he can go. So the boy sings, "ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ." The teacher said he did a perfect job and could go to the washroom. The boy went on to become a billionaire. Congrats!

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What do you call a man with no eyes? A hero for going to war and surviving being tortured by the Vietnamese.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

What did Kane Larkin get on his birthday? Cancer...

thumb_up thumb_down -1

an autistic child eats its family's dogs poop and dies

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Why was the boy crying? His mother has terminal cancer, and his father does not have the financial stability to cover the cost of the surgery and keep up on house payments and buying clothes and food for the children. He will be living in a foster home in a matter of a week.

thumb_up thumb_down -1

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops