telll someone to ask u if u are a tree then say nooooooo

it

A boy got scratched by a dog and nearly killed him. When he grew up, a dog came running up to him and started biting and scratching him till he couldn't handle it. Then a plane crashed into him and he died.

My uncle told me that slow and steady wins the race. He died in a fire.

Who moved faster? The snail or the blind man? The blind man until he ran into the road and got hit by a bus.

If u give brandon a stick he will most likely poke u

One day a kid said to his mom: "Mom, I painted the bed sheets with your lipstick". So his mom got mad.

A blonde, a Jew, and a black man all went to the store. They each bought their groceries and went home to enjoy the rest of their day with their families.

A duck walks into a bar and asks for a beer. The bartender realizing this is an odd situation, seeing that ducks cannot articulate the English language, realizes he must be dreaming. He wakes up and turns to tell his wife about the dream, but she won't respond. He then realizes how his marriage is in shambles...

Yo momma so ugly she looks out the window and got arrested for mooning.

A horse walks into a bar and orders a drink. What does he order? Nothing. The horse was incapable of speaking English then shat on the floor, kicked over a chair and then left.

Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead.

Ubisoft 'Very Impressed' By Pokemon Go, Working on AR game of their own.

Today we eat large amounts of pizza. The one piece had a lot of mushrooms. Like more than the other pieces. The cheese was flawless except for the burnt edges.

“When life gives you lemons, don’t make lemonade. Make life take the lemons back! Get mad! I don’t want your damn lemons, what the hell am I supposed to do with these? Demand to see life’s manager! Make life rue the day it thought it could give Cave Johnson lemons! Do you know who I am? I’m the man who’s gonna burn your house down! With the lemons! I’m gonna get my engineers to invent a combustible lemon that burns your house down!”

Knock knock! Who's there? A doorbell-salesman

Why did the asian man crash? He fell asleep after a long 18 hour day of driving, plus he was listening to soothing soul music.

What did the fat confused man say? I am confused.

Why was Billy unhappy? He was molested by a black guy.

whats the difference between an orange and a dead baby? one is a tasty treat and the other is an orange

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Today I'll wear a hat on my head Instead of a shoe.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a smoke dectecter, You died in a fire

John and Marry wanted an abortion. God just laughed And Jesus was born Merry Christmas everyone!

Joe has 30 candy bars and eats 25. What does john have now? DIABETIES. Joe has diabeties. Please comment!!!!!!!

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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