A baby seal walks into a club.

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Why did the man eat the apple? He had just witnessed a cow butchering and decided to become a vegitarian the moment he got home. He now lives in 1st degree depression because of what he saw 2 hours ago.

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Magic! Well not really, you see, people that are stressed have the tendency to remain far longer into the state of hypnosis because their body conciously and subconciously (I am typoing it, but I cant bother to type it correctly fuck it) seek out the state of peace that hypnosis gives more often. Anyway, I know another thing that helps relieve stress, cough... Now, did you know that if you push your nose upwards slightly, you will feel a finger between your legs? its because nerve endings are connected that way, give it a go.

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Why did the woman leave the kitchen? ?? She had just prepared her breakfast and was late for her full-time job as a police officer.

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Why did the girl lie to the priest? because she didn't want to tell him the truth

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i have no friends actually now i fell bad ... anybody spare money for the bus ahhhhhhh kill me now

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way do Japan bomb pearl harbor because America hat sex with China [watch Hetalia]

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An Octopus walked into a bar. He then died as he had been out of his natural habitat for an exceedingly long period of time. An octopus can only survive on land for 30 minutes.

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What has hands but can't clap? - A Quadraplegic

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roses are blue violets red im color blind vatalk is gay

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whats worse than finding a dead cat in your kitchen? a dead cat in your bedroom

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A lawyer walks into a bar, and due to the repercussions of severe head trauma was never able to do so again.

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What do you call a mix between a mexican and a octopus? Actually, at this moment in time it is physically and morrally impossible to do such a thing. Scientists have yet to find a way to split the genes and create a cross species. lol jk its called a moctapus.

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Q: What's black and blue and is all over Timmy's mother? A: The bruises his father gave her when he came home drunk.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I hate rhyming, Sandwich.

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Half life 3 confirmed

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Want to hear a joke? No.

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What do you call a child that has been stabbed? A dead child

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I like my wine like I like my women. Not at all.

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Q: What did the Jewish man get for Christmas? A: Nothing, he's Jewish.

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What is the difference between a Jew and pizza? Pizza does not scream when it goes in the oven.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He was playing tic-tac-toe with a friend.

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Why was the tree sad? Because a bird shat on it.

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Lukas: can i have a cigarette? Scott: i dont know can you? lukas: may i? Scott: NO

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops