Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead! Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? I stapled it to the first monkey!

thumb_up thumb_down +32

What did the lion say the the zebra? Nothing. Lions do not have the ability to speak and therefore could not make conversation with said zebra, hunted it down, killed it, and shared it with his pride of 27.

thumb_up thumb_down +32

milly, milly, milly, cat

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Have you ever had Ethiopian food? Neither have they.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Want to hear a joke? Justin Bieber

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Me: Tell me I'm a fairy. You: You're a fairy. Me: Poof! You're a bag of shit!

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What do you call a black guy driving a plane? A pilot.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

How do you know that a woman is having an orgasm? They go like OH YAH OH YAH:D

thumb_up thumb_down +30

what did the homeless man get for Christmas? Cancer

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Why did the women leave the kitchen? Because she had been forcibly removed from her place of food preparation by a large angry mob of her neighbours who thought she was a wtitch and were now going to burn at the stake. It is Salem, november 1643.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

A fish walks into a bar

thumb_up thumb_down +26

LAMBORGHINI MERCY, YO CHICK SHE SO THIRSTY! IM IN THAT 2 SEAT LAMBO WITH YO GIRL... and I'm giving her some Gatorade because it'll quench her thirst but I'm making sure she doesn't spill on my seats because it's new, k

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why are video games fun? To get a mushy brain :P

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why could the woman cook for her family? She didn't have one she was anti-social

thumb_up thumb_down +24

How many midgets can you fit into a telephone booth? Well, it really depends on a lot of factors. The size and design of the phone booth itself is pretty important. Also, midgets really have a wide range of sizes, but we could do some analysis and find out the average at least. Based on that we could have an estimate done soon.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

A man runs over a woman wth his car. Whose fault was it? The man because he should be driving on the roads, not in the kitchen.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What did one duck say to the other? Well, it said "Quack" but it's not certain if it was actually addressing the other duck or if it was just making a noise in response to some other stimulus.

thumb_up thumb_down +22

What do you call a used garden tool? A dirty hoe (not ho)

thumb_up thumb_down +20

why didn't the kid win the talent show? He wasn't talented.

thumb_up thumb_down +20

I got shot, you laughed

thumb_up thumb_down +20

- Knock Knock - Whos there? - No one

thumb_up thumb_down +20

Why did German shower heads have eleven holes? Because jews only have ten fingers.

thumb_up thumb_down +18

Women's rights

thumb_up thumb_down +18

What's the difference between a zombie, a vampire and a werewolf? One is a zombie, one is a vampire and one is a werewolf.

thumb_up thumb_down +16

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops