A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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A man comes home after a long days work. It is late at night and he gets in bed with his wife who is already asleep. Later that night he gets up for a glass of water and returns to the bed room to see that his wife doesn't appear to be breathing and calls 911. He then realizes that this isn't his house and he leaves.

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1,2,3,4,5..what comes next? yeah you should know how to count

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Q: How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? A: None, they are too weak to climb the ladder.

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What did the Cat get for Christmas? Nothing cats don't celebrate Christmas

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How do you get 100 Jews into a Volkswagon? You don't. It's impossible to fit that many people into a car that small.

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How do you take money from a Mexican? You don't because they have none.

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How did the person die? He got hit by a car.

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what's worse than me fucking your mom she enjoyed it

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Why are gay guys so good at being gay? The black guys told them too.

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If you woke up in the morning feeling like P Diddy, get tested. Immediately.

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What's silent but deadly? A baby falling from a 10 story building

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Why did the boy drop his ice cream? He did not have sufficient stability in his arm at that moment causing him to loosen his grip and drop his ice cream.

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What do you call a black man in the south? An example of diverse America

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Have you heard the one about the blonde and the bear? No. Me neither.

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How do you make a tree angry Overall trees have no sense of emotion therefore it is impossible to anger a tree.

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Q: What happens when you divide by zero. A: You get a complex kind of infinite.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he had legs.

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Roses are Red, Violets are Red, Everything is Red, Retinal Hemorrhage.

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Why didn't Clemson accept John Burns' college application? Because John Burns was wanted for five counts of first degree murder.

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What's worse than a baby dying of AIDS? It depends upon one's frame of reference. A family living in the US might consider the death of a baby by AIDS a horrible act by the gods. But to a similar family in sub-Saharan Africa, this might be a regular, albeit tragic occurrence.

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whats worse than a 6 dead babies in a dumpster? You were babysitting them.

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"Torture the orphans as much as you want. Who they gonna tell? Their parents?"

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Have you seen Stevie Wonders new house? No. Well, neither has he.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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