What gets bigger and bigger and bigger, then dies? A baby.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Whats worse then walking into a door? getting shot in the head by a 10ft squirrel holding 44.magnum and a slice of cheese in the other

thumb_up thumb_down +14

One man asked another man what his favorite sport was. The man replied: " My favorite sport is golf." "Golf requires no physical strength, therefore I do not count it as a sport." Said the man who asked the question.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What do you call a bright orange fish? A gold fish.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Roses are red, violets are blue, shit is brown and so are you

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What did the businessman do to get a promotion? He traded oral sex for his male bosses kind heart...

thumb_up thumb_down +14

When Michael Jackson was in a dark tunnel, it didn't work when he turned his flashlight. How come? A: Because it was out of battery

thumb_up thumb_down +14

Why did the bear turn red? Because he was emBEARessed. Nah just kidding, a hunter shot him.

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What happens when metal and ice collide together? The Titanic

thumb_up thumb_down +14

What does a Cuban do when he gets a flat tire? He pulls over and replaces it.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the mother say to her son when she saw his report card? I don't know. I wasn't there.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did the zero say to the eight? I don't know,numbers are inanimate objects so they can't talk.God, what did you think?

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How are baseball and basketball the same. They aren't football.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Robin, get in the Batmobile.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Whats worse than driving a Ford Taurus? Driving two Ford Taurus'

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what did the man say to the doctor? how the hell would i know, ask him yourself.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

whats a parkour kid? someone who jumps off things and is a pre-teen with adhd

thumb_up thumb_down +12

How are leprechauns and lions similar? The both start with L.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What did God say when he made his first black guy? Oh no I burned one! :)

thumb_up thumb_down +12

A man realizes the whole time he has wanted to fly like a bird. His funeral was two weeks later

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What is lazy? My balls. All they do is hang.

thumb_up thumb_down +12

What do you get if Justin Bieber and Miley Cyrus have a baby? The apocalypse

thumb_up thumb_down +12

what did Shivank say to Ricky? "you suck dick" HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH

thumb_up thumb_down +12

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops