You know who can't stand to put up with my shit? Polio victims.

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How do you get Jake snow to shut up? Say shut up

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Who wants water? I do.

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Why can't Helen Keller drive? Because she's a woman

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that wall over there ->

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Why is sally sad her parents abuse her daily

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A man wakes up in his bed and looks at the clock. He realises he is gonna be late for work. He quickly gets out of bed, into the bathroom, has a shower, puts his deodorant on and brushes his teeth, gets dressed, and goes in his car. He drives out of his garage and drives to his work but gets stuck in traffic. He then gets to the car park of his work and parks his car. He gets out, goes up the elevator to his floor, when the elevator door opens to his floor, he quickly says hello to Terrance and goes to his bosses office. And guess what the boss says? You're late.

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How many alcoholics does it take to change a light bulb? Look. I just enjoy a few drinks every now and then. I mean, I can quit whenever I want to. That's no reason to start people calling names.. Wait, no. That's not.. Look. How much do you drink every day, huh? Why not ask that? And why do I have to be the one changing your stupid light bulb? If it's sooooo important that the light bulb be changed, do it yourself, you lazy bastard. Don't rely on other people to do your work for you.

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Why did Susie drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who's there? Not Susie.

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a man walks into a bar and was arrested because it wasn't a bar it was a bank and he shot and killed 4 people during the armed robbery

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A man walks into the office for an appointment. The doctor performs the usual examinations, before asking the man to turn his head and cough. As is standard, he feels the man's testicles to check for irregularities. The man jokes, "Say doc, couldn't you at least ask me to dinner first?" The doctor replies, "You have testicular cancer." He died a month later.

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Did you hear why the peanut got arrested by walking next to another peanut? One got a-salt-ed

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What's worse than one bee sting? Two bee stings. What's worse than two bee stings? The holocaust. What's worse than the Holocaust? Three bee stings. Now hats worse than finding a worm in your apple? Three bee stings.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? He did it for fitness.

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What did one liar say to the other liar? I'm very honest.

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Knock knock. MAN: Who's there? HOOKER: The hooker you called for. MAN: Oh, dear lord. My wife hasn't left yet. I need you to come back in fifteen minutes. WIFE: Honey, who is it? MAN: It's the hooker I called for, but you haven't left. I told her to come back in fifteen minutes.

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pobody's nerfect

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Why was Helen Keller a bad driver? She was blind.

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What did the woman say when her boyfriend asked her to marry him? Idk my bff jill.

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why did the boy get hit by a bus because he dropped his ice cream

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What did the kid with no legs get for Christmas? gloves.

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How many kids with ADD does it take to screw in a light bulb? wanna go ride bikes?

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How do you kill a blonde? Drench her in fluoroantimonic acid and watch her explode in a violent and gruesome death.

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Knock knock. Knock knock. Knock knock. I'm hammering nails. Knock knock.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops