Q: How do get a person to leave you alone ? A: Suck out his eye-balls stuff them in your ears to muffle the sound of his screaming as you head-butt him into a fine paste. Then proceed to spread or squeeze sed paste on to delicious food substance and eat sed delicious food substance. Then carry on with the rest of your day like nothing happened. (P.S. Just ignore any letters about court cases or arrests)

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A blonde is rowing a boat in a cornfield. While driving by, another blonde notices and pulls over and steps out of her car. She looks out and yells "You know, it's blondes like you that are giving us a bad name. If you weren't so far out, I would swim out there and beat the shit outta you!"

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Roses are red Violets are blue You think you're smart But I've got a plan for you.. Leaves are green Stems are too You lied to me Now I will shoot you.. Violets are blue Roses are red You made me angry And now you are dead.

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A king's son's birthday was coming up and the king asked,"Son i'm the king. You can have anything you want." And the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." For his birthday he got a rollar coster, a pizzaria, a new car, and of corse, some purple ping pong balls. The next year the king asked,"Son, i'm the king, you can have anything you want." and the son said,"Oh i'll have some purple ping pong balls." And for his birthday he got a manchin, an iphone, a water park, and of corse some purple ping pong balls. One day, the prince was driving in his car and was in a terrible car accadent. On his death bed, his father asked him one final question,"Son, why did you want all of those purple ping pong balls?" And the son answered,"Well, i wanted all of them because-" and then he died.

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A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks "why the long face?". The horse stares eats an apple and trots out... Horses can't speak therefore do not understand the question and cannot reply

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Why did the girl stop smoking? Because her mum asked her to.

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whats worse than finding a worm in your apple? getting your Fallopian tubes ripped out by wolverine

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I've got a smoke dectecter, You died in a fire

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Q: How did Mary get frostbite A: Her mother locked her in a freezer

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, Today I'll wear a hat on my head Instead of a shoe.

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Why don't lesbians use dildoes? Because they look just like a big penises.

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Why did it take Da Vinci so long to paint the Sistine Chapel? Because it was painted by Michelangelo.

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What do Mike Tyson's handwriting, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles and your Grandma's apple pie have in common? Nothing.

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roses are red, violets are blue, get on your knees ho, and stick to me like glue.

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So a guy walks into a bar.... he gets a few drinks pays his bill and goes home.

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Because the tractor hadn't seen the chicken.

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A women in the kitchen.

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what do you call 100 muslims on a plane? Passengers

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Why did the muffin not eat the other muffin. Because muffins do not have a digestive system.

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what did the little girl with cancer get for christmas? cancer

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Q: What's worse than tripping down the stairs in front of a crowd of people? A: The bombing of Hiroshima

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Not your cheese.

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Q: Whats 5+5 A:10

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What do you call a Pakistani flying a plane. 9/11

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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