Why didnt the teenager have a smartphone? He didnt live close to a cell phone store

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That was totally mean! I mean I was in no way going to say any of that to you! Especially not the last part, sorry that must have been part of the suggestion or something, I barely ever tell myself stuff like that, I mean stop it okay? I mean I totally read it and all but I was all like "I am notnot typing that" please stop it, its humiliating.

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A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down and orders a sandwich. After he finishes eating the sandwich, the panda pulls out a gun and shoots the waiter, and then stands up to go. "Hey!" shouts the manager. "Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn't pay for your sandwich!" The panda yells back at the manager, "Hey man, I am a PANDA! Look it up!" The manager's heart skipped a beat, and he locked himself inside his office, trembling with fear and confusion. Yes, it was plausible that a beast such as that could point to a random entry on the menu, and it was physically possible for it to pull the trigger of the gun (and, at such close proximity to the waiter, it would be pretty hard to miss him), but it was shocking and altogether disturbing to hear such an animal speak in human language, much less vernacular English.

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knock knock whos there? ughh omg youre dying what yeah dear god ok ill call 911 no im fine its just a seizure ok get well soon

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What do you call a man with no arms or legs on the doorstep? The Diabetes man

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How do you get a jewish girls number check her wrist

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Siri, what is your definition of love? "Let me check on that...Here's what I've found." Google.com search = definition of love

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Why does tundes food suck? Because he is from Africa and the cuisine is different

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If life hands you lemons your probably hallucinating.

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I walk in to a bar, ask for a beer, get drunk, walk away and.... hmmm.. how could I finish the joke??..

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Knock Knock Who's there? After no response, the man chuckled as he realized the sound of his TV mimicked that of his door knocker.

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How do you make a white girl commit suicide? Bully her.

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Knock Knock. Please stop peddling your religion on my doorstep. .

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Why cant Sally ride her bike? Because she has ceribal pausly

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1.Why were the black men asked to leave the bar? Because it was a womens bar. 2.Why did the 40 year old get an erection? Because he was excited.

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Roses are red, Violets are blue, I have five fingers, The middle one's for you.

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why was the little boy sad? he had a frog stapled to his face.

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What do you call a dog with no legs? Don't matter what you call him he ain't gonna come.

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What do you call the offspring of a gerbil and a hamster? Whatever you want.

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What's worse than your console not switching on? A mutilated body.

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Why did the man not get his licence He was blind

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What's redder than a red apple? 2 red apples

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Why did the Chicken cross the roead? It didn't

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What do you call a black person flying a plane? A pilot.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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