What's sad about a guy jumping off a cliff? The cliff.

thumb_up thumb_down -53

I walked across a lake once. Someone said "JESUS CHRIST!" to which I replied with "YES?"

thumb_up thumb_down -55

What's green, has 4 legs and can kill you if lands on your head? a pool table.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

How do you know when a blonde has been using your computer? If you're lucky some of his or hair will have fallen out and be left on the keyboard as evidence.

thumb_up thumb_down -65

Q. Why did the teacher trip and fall? A. Because his left foot was gnawed off by a camel, and he often finds it difficult to walk.

thumb_up thumb_down +56

Yo mommas teeth are so yellow that.....I reccomend she see a dentist.

thumb_up thumb_down +40

How can you tell the difference between a cow? One says moo

thumb_up thumb_down +38

why do woman love the twilight books? i have no idea woman can't read

thumb_up thumb_down +36

A man walks into a park. He gets abducted and raped by flying asparagus.

thumb_up thumb_down +36

Why did the horse say moo? Because it's a cow

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Where did the paralytic go for a vacation? No where he can't move.

thumb_up thumb_down +34

Q. have you seen Helen Keller house A. niether has she

thumb_up thumb_down +34

What's worse than getting dumped? Heart Failure.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Fill in the blank: A ______ is a man's best friend. Jake: Is it dog? Host: YES! Now for the 1 million dollars! Finish the sentence: I just saved a lot of money by Jake: Switching to Geico? Host: Sorry, that's incorrect. The correct answer is "I just saved a lot of money by not spending it on useless junk and by budgeting my account towards investing in the future." Oh well, nice try.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

Person: hey buddy have you heard the greteat news Freind: yea you have aids Person: no my wife jusr became a pristatue an she had ten patients already i was her first

thumb_up thumb_down +30

A fireman walks into a bar. Everyone has burned alive already, and he's too late to save them.

thumb_up thumb_down +30

What's better than winning gold in the special olympics? Not being retarded.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

What did the pet lion say to its owner? Nothing. The lion then proceeded to hunt down its owner, pin him down and rip out his insides. Besides, the likelyhood of owning a lion as a pet is very slim, and even if one did, this act would be highly illegal in most parts of the world.

thumb_up thumb_down +28

Knock Knock Who's there? My foot. My foot who? My foot in your ass.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Three Jews walked into a bar. I lied... it was a gas chamber.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Why did little Jimmy fall off his bike? Because I threw a fridge at him.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

Hold on, please hold on! I will explain, it is my name, but I don't know whats so wrong with it at all... Please give me five minutes, I need to use the bathroom, please don't go just yet, don't be mad at me, what have I done wrong now? I mean if you are gonna go to sleep or something please do not be upset with me.

thumb_up thumb_down +26

See now, that is because you consider yourself my submissive on a both concious and subconcious level, your body and mind wants me to take care of you. I could say it is because I read minds, but why read minds, when I can create them, why read the future, when you can create it. Finally, lets take a look into the word, nerve endings yes? Not nerve endings baby, its called Suggestion. But seriously though, lets put the word nerve endings on top of the word suggestions again there. Nerve endings, did I mention it works on your butt too? You see, usually you would say no, but you do know that now that I am your master, you do and enjoy as I say? See you baby. Moral: "Feel the grove, I control the way you move"

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Why did the family sue disney? Because at a meet and greet location mickey mouse shot their youngest in the heart.

thumb_up thumb_down +24

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops