Girl, why are you crying? I'm not a girl, I'm a strawberry.

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What do Whitney Houston and Selena Gomez have in common? They are both dead. Exept for Selena Gomez..

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Three men are stranded, mid-ocean, in a small rowboat. They realize quickly that their imminent demise is slowly creeping into the forefront of their consciousnesses. Just as all hope seem to be lost, one man noticed an island covered in luscious foliage about five hundred yards away. A problem reared it's head as it became apparent that an unrelenting riptide was dragging the boat further and further from the shore and, in turn, salvation. It became further apparent that the men would have to abandon their rickety rowboat and swim the rest of the way. The first man bravely jumps into the vast uncertainty of the ocean and attempts to swim to shore. He is met by a large shark that promptly severs his arm from his body. A bloody mess, he manages to touch down on the sandy beach. The second man, more reluctantly, also jumps in. He balanced his chances: "100% death in the boat vs. uncertainty in the ocean." Like the first man, the second man meets the shark's vicious bite. His leg is severed and he too drags himself, bloody, to the warm embrace of sand and freedom. The third man, sure that he would be bitten also, jumps into the ocean and swims to shore. Alas! The third man arrived on the island unscathed and completely fine. Perplexed, the first two men asked the third why the shark did not attack him. The third man simply smiled and replied..."what do you expect me for, a typewriter?"

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What do you call it when Justin Bieber has sex with a woman? A miracle

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Chuck Norris was once approached by a woman for whom he had to fight a man to obtain all while doing a mundane activity in an unorthodox manner. He promptly declined for he is married and told the man he only fights for self-defense. He proceeded to put his pants on one leg at a time like everybody else.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because it was the only way to get across

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Your muma is so ugly she went to a ugly competition and got kicked out "no pros aloud".

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Q /why do people eat dinner? A/ because their hungry

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Two muffins are in an oven. They say nothing, muffins are inanimate objects and therefore cannot talk.

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How did freedom die in Europe? It was shot in the chest with a rifle.

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What's big, blue, and eats rocks? A big blue rock eater.

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Why did the black man laugh at my joke? k.

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Would you spit or swallow? Well, in circumstances when i am eating or drinking, i would swallow. Although if i had something disgusting in my mouth i would spit

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Q: What's green and has four wheels? A: A green car.

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what smells like tuna? my underwear

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What did Batman tell Robin before they got in the Batmobile? Robin, get in the Batmobile

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Why dont you ever see any black mermaids? Mermaids dont exist.

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Why did the hippo drink the water? Because it was thirsty

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what did the cat say to the dog? I turded out my crap hole

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How do you get a black man down from a tree? Cut the rope!

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How many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? 9,405 licks (this may not be reliable I lost count since I kinda just bit it)

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Q. Why did Sally fall off the swing? A. Because she had no arms Q. What smells like red paint and is blue? A. Blue Paint Knock Knock? Who's There NOT SALLY

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What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas? Love and attention from his parents.

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Two gophers are in a tank One of them says how the heck do you drive this thing?

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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