What's long, hard, and contains semen? A submarine.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call black people in a pool? Healthy

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Your momma's so fat: She fears a lower life expectancy and consequently not seeing her grandchildren grow up.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What do you call an attractive woman in a blender? A very rare occurrence.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A mans wife gets pregnant after he has a visectomy... She was artificially inseminated using sperm he froze before the operation

thumb_up thumb_down +4

An Irishman, a German, a Jew, and a Mexican walk into a bar...... the Irishman is named designated driver and all four have a safe and enjoyable evening.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Two guys walk into a bar.... OUCH

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What's white and can't jump? A fridge.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What is the difference between a Ferrari and 1,000 babies? I don't have a Ferrari in my garage.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What you call it when 8 goes over 4? An improper fraction.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A baby seal walks into a club.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What is green and drives around in the desert and is not a tank? secretly a tank

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are crimson. Violets are purple. I don't understand why this poem is so popular.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are red, and many other colors too.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

A casual web surfer logs onto a website and reads half a joke.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

how many people were on the bus........ 0 cause the bus was parked for 45 years

thumb_up thumb_down +4

What the hardest part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Why did the boy ask his dad for a phone? Because he had his head stuck up a sheeps bum

thumb_up thumb_down +4

how many poeple does it take to change a light bulb? you spelled people wrong.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats funnier than 24 ? 25

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Roses are red, violets are blue, your Mom is a fake, she adopted you!

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Knock Knock. Who's there? Come in! Come in who? I'm just com in' inside.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Whats from Hattersley? Someone who lives in Hattersley.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Mac, or Big Jim, as his friends call him, follows the same routine that he has every day for the last several years. His days are always typical and very rarely differ or have any excitement thrown in the mix. It usually starts off by him waking up next to his wife, whom was always giving off a potent and delightful smell. This happens because she has a certain shampoo that makes her much more pleasant-smelling than the normal person, especially as she sleeps. So Big Jim then takes his pillow and throws it at her head. She usually wakes up thinking that he is trying to be a nuisance because of that, even though what follows next has happened every single time for the last few years. He continues to lightly hit her with the pillow until she, in a delightful flurry of feathers, begins to strike back. After a fun and good-looking pillow fight, he then proceeds to the bathroom to urinate and then wash his hands. After this, he then brushes his teeth and gets dressed. He goes to work and is encouraged by his boss every day for his astonishing effort and is then threatened to be promoted if it improves any more by the end of the month. He is always being encouraged by his boss because he does as much as he can do at the Woman's Abuse Shelter. He cares. But, at the end of the month he is never promoted because he threatens to take his boss's daughter out for ice cream - of whom he has fresh photos of her most recent farting accident as proof of his promise. His boss found this quite creepy and inappropriate. Normally, someone would go to the police, especially when there is photographic evidence, but the police chief is too busy to join them for ice cream and the only detective in their small town moved away four months ago. This caused a problem because the ice cream was never disposed of since the only ice cream man died one day prior due to old age. He was 79 at the time and well-loved by the community. After work, Big Jim then went home and his wife hugged him with delight. After dinner with his wife, Big Jim went to bed and had a good night's sleep.

thumb_up thumb_down +4

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops