two guys r talking and the one said *i swear to god* and the other one said *u swear what to god what the hell r u talking about i dont even know u*

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was a retarded failure

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why was the girl unhappy? because she was stapled to a shark.

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Harry thrust his wand forward, "Expelliarmus!" Voldemort casually ducks, and fires a killing curse at our hero.

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Take one: "What kind of assho... Take two "What kind of awesome people with no dignit..." Take three: "What kind of awesome people with most dignified self image would use this piece of shit s... Final take What kind of awesome people with most dinified self image would use this RETARDED PIECE OF MOLTEN SHlT SITE FROM FUCKING HELL?" Moral: "Technically I do not use it, I abuse it just like I did your mom... Hey, I am your dad by the way, that gives me the right to rape you whenever I want" NeroMetal I once fisted a velociraptor to death (I do not mean punching it in the face here if you think thats something), but that's not metal... I cant for the fuck bother to find out how to spell the fucking dinosaurs name... Now that is metal...

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whats more embarissing rhan being raped by a squirel? Being a 40 year old virgin working at mcdonalds

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Roses are brown Violets are brown Who pooped in my garden?

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Why wasn't the tractor moving? Because the farmer was killed in a drive-by shooting.

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Why are pigs smelly ? Because a cucumber can't walk.

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why did the squrill leave his home an ax-man cut it down

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What do you get when you cross a blonde with a dinosaur? Beastiality

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Why did the white woman press charges against the black guy? Because he raped her

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Where did the paralytic go for a vacation? No where he can't move.

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Why did the man with no arms fall of his bike? Someone threw a washing machine at him

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How do you put an elephant in a taxi? You open the door, make sure the elephant is seated confortably, and close the door.

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What happened to the little boy that went to The Penn State locker room? He had a great day meeting the team and watching the football game.

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What do you call a jewish person at a construction site? A builder

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Why was lady crying? Because her ten yer old son died of cancer..

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Whats funnier than a baby in a jar? A baby in ten jars.

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Knock, Knock? Who's there? Its Gilly.

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What do you call a fish with no eyes? The Mexican blind cave tetra (Astyanax mexicanus).

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An astronaut and a cosmonaut are sitting in a bar, discussing who was better. The cosmonaut says, "We Russians were the first people in space!" The astronaut says, "That may be true, but we were the first to land on the moon my friend." The cosmonaut turns back to the astronaut and says, "Yes, but we shall be then first to ever land on the Sun!" So, the astronaut skeptically asks, "And how do you intend to do that?" The cosmonaut replies, "Simple.......we will go at night." Thank you to David Cross

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Some people are like Slinkies: they don't work as well as they say they will and you'll get bored of them quickly.

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What's the best example of an anti-joke? This one.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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