I was trying to think of a joke to write, but then I became unsatisfied with my creativity and began to spiral into a depressing tangent of thoughts. I just took 37 Ambien, and have approximately ten minutes to live. Instead, I will spend my last moments writing goodbye messages to friends on Facebook and longingly looking at images of the past. Goodbye, world.

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How do you take a shit?, by taking it to go.

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Why did the monkey eat the banana? Because it was sexually confused

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If life hands you lemons your probably hallucinating.

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You wanna know what's out of this world? The moon

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What did Jesus say when he was nailed to the cross? AHHHH WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS!?!?!? MY HAND!!! MY HAND!!! AHHHHHHH!!!!! JUST KILL ME!!! PLEASE WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?!?! MY OTHER HAND AHHHH!!! HAHAAAAAAAAAaaaa..... AHHHHHHH WHY?!?! MY LEG!!!! MY FOOT NO!!!!! PLEASE!!!!! Ah AH AHHHHH!

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Young Billy was arrested today for saying he was going to be a terrorist for Halloween.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was dead Why did the second monkey fall out of the tree? It was stapled to the first monkey Why did the third monkey fall out of the tree? Peer pressure

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Why DIDN'T the chicken cross the road? Because it got hit by a bus

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Why is Ray Charles always smiling? He's not, corpses rarely smile

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What is life? Paul.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? It was commiting suicide.

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A Polish immigrant goes to the Department of Motor Vehicles to apply for a driver’s license. He has to take an eye test. They show him a card with the letters C Z W I X N O S T A C Z. “Can you read this?” the optician asks. “Read it?” the Polish guy replies, “No, sir. Allow me to put on my glasses."

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What's green and if you eat it you die? A Biljarts table.

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So, a Bobcat walks into a bar. A few moments later, the bar was empty, save a bobcat and two critically wounded men.

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A grasshopper walks into a bar, the bartender says, "We have a drink named after you", the grasshopper replies, "you have a drink named Bob"

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What's worse than being dead? Nothing.

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What's red and bad for youur teeth? A brick.

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knock knock! who's there? me.(walks away...)

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How many kids with ADHD does it take to change a lightbulb? Let's go play on our bikes.

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What did the horse say to the other horse? Nothing, they're both horses

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How many blondes can you fit in a car? About 5 if you lift the arm rest.

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Your momma is so old, she qualifies for multiple financial aid programs provided by the government.

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Why was Allen late for work? He was mauled by a bear. Allen is dead.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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