A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line. "You must be single." the clerk says. Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?". "Because you're ugly".

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Q: How many babies does it take to paint a wall? A: It depends on how hard you throw them.

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Knock Knock. Who's there? Knock Knock. I said who's there? Knock Knock. WHO THE FUCK'S THERE, GODDAMNIT? Knock Knock. PLEASE STOP IT STOP IT OH GOD STOP IT Knock Knock SWEET DEAR JESUS GOD CHRIST STOPSTOPOHGODSTOPITNOW Knock Knock. FORGODSSAKECOMEIN. Hello, Mark. Oh, hi, Steven.

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Who has two thumbs and is happy? This girl! You're a girl?

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What do Gary Glitter and Michael Jackson have in common? They are both successful pop stars

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Two guys jump off a cliff... the third guy calls an ambulance.

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To men stay at the bar all night drinking non stop. They soon are rushed to the hospital to get their stomachs pumped.

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Male orgasm (haha bitches we've been faking it)

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numbers just make the funniest antijokes

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Three Men walk into a bar. One with a ax and one with a Shovel. The other one isn't holding anything. *Boom* (\ _ /) (x . x)

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What did a Chinese man say to the other Chinese man? I don't know, I don't speak Chinese.

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Why was rebecca crying? Because her mum had just died in a house fire!!!

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A duck walks into a convenience store and asks for a tube of chapstick.He says "Put it on my tab".

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Q: how do you fit 100 jews in a car A: 3 in the back one in the passenger seat and 96 in the ash tray

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What had 82 eyes, 7 mouths, and sings the blues? Nothing, the described creature does not exist.

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What did Aladin say to Mulan? Nothing. Although they are both Disney characters, they never appear in the same film, and therefore never communicate.

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was shot In the face. Why did the cow fall out of the tree it was stapled to the monkey.

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Knock, Knock whos there? Jesus Jesus who? Jesus Christ

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roses are red, violets are blue. Some poems don't make sense, Salad.

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A horse walks into a bar You have been reading so many anti jokes that you can actually anticipate the anti-joke punchline to this joke, because it is one of maybe 3 or 4.

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what is green and has weels? grass i was kidding about the weels.

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Roses are blue, Violets are purple, I like chicken. Do you like chicken?

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How do you drown a blonde? Same as anyone else. Tie three-hundred cinder blocks to her and drop her into a lake.

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Hickory Dickory Dock My dog died today.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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