What do you do if your batteries die and you have none left? Go to your nearest battery selling retail store and buy some more.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why was the girl talking to the trashcan? Her entire family was killed in a forest fire. She was the only who made it out but she had several scars and burns. For six years she had no family to talk to. She then gathered an obnoxious amount of cheaply made plastic trashcans and painted her entire family on the trashcan and proceeded to talk to it. For several years now she has been in deep conversation with the trashcan. She then attempted to ask the trashcan a series and intense question in which the trashcan did not respond to. The girl grew very frustrated with the trashcan because it did not answer her question so she angrily threw it off the side of a cliff in the middle of the woods. To answer the question above, as the trashcan was violently falling off the cliff, the girl yelled, "See you next FALL"

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Id like to apologize for the one below (near the end yeah at the very end yeah that near you fuck!) When I said I give candy to etc etc I did mean I do not give candy to... Well... Nothing male, and I do not apologize, thank you. Shortie: Me as a Sociopath vs Sociopath with faster gunplay: So A Sociopath moved into my neighborhood, he arrived at my place and said hey you? You the sociopa... "BOOM" Moral: Shoot first, listen later... And if you hear something keep shooting... Anyway that was not the Sociopath but I got him eventually.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

KANE TUCKER HAS A CHODE THE SIZE OF HIS FINGER NAIL

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's worse than finding out that your dog has worms? Finding out that you have worms.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What's the difference between an Elephant and a Post Box? An Elephant is not a Post Box. It is an Elephant.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Excuse me, do you have any gnats? Yes, plenty. Thank you

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Q: Why did sally fall off the swing? A: Because she had no arms Knock Knock Who's there Not Sally! How did Sally die? She couldn't figure out how to open the fridge

thumb_up thumb_down +5

So a man walking down a nature trail came across an injured fox laying on the ground in pain, it looked like it was attacked recently. There wasn't much the man could do at the time, so he gently picked up the fox and rushed the fox to his house. The man arrives moments later at his house with the fox. There were a lot of options the man could choose, but he went with a simple recipe. The man grabbed a knife and gutted the fox, removing all unnecessary organs. He then skinned the fox of it's fur. He sliced the head off, cut the legs to a stub, and stuffed it. He gave it a nice seasoning and placed it in the oven at about 350F for 6 hours. When the fox was perfectly cooked, it was taken out of the oven and left to sit for about 5 minutes to cool. He cut a chunk of meat from the dish and sat down to eat. "What a fine meal" the man said.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the duck say to the Pope? Quack.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Roses are red Violets are blue Dandelions are weeds

thumb_up thumb_down +5

what do you call a mexican with a rubber blanket cold

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What is worse than a nuke exploding? Going to the hospital and finding out you have cancer and aids.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do call the time things don't go the way you plan them? Reality. bitch

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What did the Goldfish say to the Black man? Nothing, because Goldfish do not have human-like vocal cords and therefore the Goldfish cannot speak.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it, then they probably won't hear the lumberjack's cries for help either.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the baby cross the road? Because it was stapled to the chicken.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

My former roomate had that game, about some bald guy that can slow down time, but thats like supernatural or something.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why didn't the politically-correct lawyer laugh at his black neighbour's jokes? He had an incapacitating malady of oralfacialoaralysis rendering him unable to laugh or smile

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Two hunters are out in the woods, one of them collapses on the ground and his eyes roll back in his head. His friend whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps,"I think my friend is dead, what do i do?" The operator says,"calm down lets first make sure he's dead." There's a silence, then a shot. Sadly the man was not dead but extremely tired and could not carry on without rest.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why is Osama dead? He got shot.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Why did the boy get his head slammed in a car door? Because his mother did not love him, and thought it was an appropiate action.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

How do you make a Bong Ki mad? Call him a Bong Ki.

thumb_up thumb_down +5

What do black people and asians have in common? arms

thumb_up thumb_down +5

Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops