What is worse than waking up by your alarm clock on the weekend? 9/11

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A man is on an operating table. His heart stops beating and he suddenly finds himself at the Gates of Heaven. St. Peter approaches him. "Welcome, my son," St. Peter says. "I can't believe it," the man exclaims, "I've died and gone to Heaven! I-" St. Peter interrupts him. "Not quite yet, my son. You must first answer three questions. You will only enter Heaven if I deem you fit to do so." The man nervously agrees. "All right. First question," St. Peter says. "Did you ever commit a sin and never sought forgiveness?" The man thinks long and hard. "No, I always made sure to apologize." "Splendid," St. Peter responds. "Did you attend church every Sunday?" The man loses some of his former confidence. "I may have missed the odd week." "That's fine," says St. Peter. "One last question... Do you believe you are worthy of entering the Gates of Heaven?" The man answers nervously, "Well... yes, yes I do." St. Peter smiles. "Congratulations, my son. You have passed the test, and may enter Heaven!" The man is ecstatic as the pearly gates open up for him. He enters Heaven and is astounded by its magnificent beauty. The man then loses all brain function and dies on the operating table.

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Q: What kind of file do you need to turn a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole? A: A pedophile.

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How do you make a little boy cry? Cut off his legs.

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Did you hear about the two guys that stole a calender? They each got six months.

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What happened to the Jewish child that used to live life like a normal kid? Him and his family were taken to a ditch and shot to death. --ZeNaziGermanDoctor

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What did the farmer say to the cow that asked for food? No.

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Why does Magic Johnson have to use extra-large condoms? Because he's got a giant dick and HIV.

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What is round and bad-tempered? A vicious circle

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Knock Knock Who is there? Orange Orange who? Orange-Banana

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An under aged girl walks into a bar. She couldn't have done so without a fake ID and early development.

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Two chemist walk into a bar. The Bartender ask them what they want. The first chemist says he wants H20. The second chemist laughs and says he wants H20 too. Then he dies.

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What does a tomato and a human have in common? They both spray red liquid when stabbed repeatedly

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Whats the difference between a dog and a piranha? Their names.

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What happens if a Muslim leaves their bag on a bus? They quickly return onto the bus and get it.

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Why did the little boy refuse to kiss his grandmother? He was afraid she would slip him some tongue.

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When a fat lady walks by what do u think? R u fat or pregnant

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A elderly man was driving down the freeway when he got a call from his wife. He answered the phone and his wife said "Be careful dear, I just heard on the news that someone is driving the wrong way on the freeway." The wife then heard a loud crash over the phone as the drunk driver going the wrong way slammed head first into her husbands car, killing them both intstantly.

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So, there's a man and a bar. He gets a hacksaw.

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I know a black person. His name is Mikey.

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What word starts with N and ends with R that you never want to call a black person? Neighbor.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? No reason.

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Why was Billy no mates? He had no friends.

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A man walks into a bar and is slowly tearing his life apart. maybe because he is drinking poisonous acid instead of beer

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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