How do you get a clown off a swing? You kill him with an axe

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A boy and his father are in a car crash. The father dies and the son is transported to the nearest hospital. Once there, a surgeon is brought in to operate on the boy. The surgeon steps back and says "I can't operate on this boy, I haven't had enough training for such a situation." The hospital calls in another surgeon and they are more qualified for the event. Then the surgeon wakes up and realizes the boy is in critical condition. There is blood drenching his shirt and there is only seconds to operate. Suddenly, the boy wakes up and realizes he has just survived a car crash. Suddenly Leonardo DeCaprio enters with a girl. The world turns on its side and they all wake up to find them selves a victim of Inception. Then the caterpillar wakes up and realizes it has immense mental capacity, even above those of an above-average human. Then I woke up and realized I lost my job. MLIA.

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What do you call a baby that fell in lava Dead

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Q: When do you know you've had to much to drink? A: When the zebra in your belly button starts talking to you

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What's more boring than watching grass grow? Watching grass not grow.

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How did the blonde die? Frogs teleported from the future and brutally murdered her with forks.

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Why was the girl distressed by the photo of her boyfriend's mutilated corpse? Because it was out of focus.

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how did the little black boy cross the river? he walked over the bridge.

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Wanna hear a joke? Me too.

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12345678910111213141516171819whatcomesnext

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A Mexican walks into a bar. He walked out with a concussion. -ilikecrepes97

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Cliterus

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Real Joke: The US Air Force operates Seymour Johnson Air Force Base. It is named for a seaman. Go look it up.

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Why were my arms so tired after I flew in from the coast? Because the stewardess, god rest her soul, failed to latch the door securely.

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What do you call a kid with an eye-patch and a speech impediment? Names.

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A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar. They order a few drinks, chat, and walk out.

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Three men are walking, the first one walks into a bar. He has a couple of drinks because he is depressed. He drives home, drunk, and dies in a car accident. His wife finds out and hangs herself.

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A heavily drunk man walks into a bar and proceeds to die of alcohol poisoning.

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What did Helen Keller name her dog? jhdfsuigtreyuiertfguiryhg

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Yock

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What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhino? El-if-iknow

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Knock knock. Who's there You are.

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Why are Pirates called Pirates? Because the word originates from the term Pirata which means 'sea attacker' in Latin.

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A priest, a rabbi and Santa walk into a bar. that's a highly coincidental situation.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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