How many unicorns does it take to change a lightbulb? Unicorns do not use lightbulbs, their technology (magic) is way too advanced to waste fossil fuels and pollute the air. Also, you can't change a lightbulb with hooves. ;)

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A woman is shopping at a grocery store. She picks up a half gallon of skim milk, 2 loaves of wheat bread, one dozen organic eggs, and some carrots. She goes to the checkout line. "You must be single." the clerk says. Amazed at the flattering insight of the clerk, the woman says, "Yes I am. How could you tell?". "Because you're ugly".

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What comes after 23? 24.

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Person A: Knock Knock Person B: Who's there? Person A: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest. Open the door. Person B: It's the police, we have a warrant for your arrest, open the door wh-- Suddenly the door is smashed open. Tear gas grenades are rolled in, temporarily blinding Person B. He is then dragged out of his apartment by nine federal agents who proceed to beat him and throw him into the back of an FBI van.

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What is worse then 10 babes nailed to a tree? 1 baby nailed to 10 trees.

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Why did the man murder his wife? Because she would'nt do the the dishes

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Hickory Dickory Dock My dog died today.

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Roses are blue, Violets are purple, I like chicken. Do you like chicken?

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Knock knock! Who's there? Bob Hi bob, come inside. And next time just use the doorbell

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What did Shaggy say to Scooby before they got in the Mystery Machine? Scooby, get in the Mystery Machine.

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Q: how do you fit 100 jews in a car A: 3 in the back one in the passenger seat and 96 in the ash tray

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Why did Michael Jackson get so many nose jobs? He was incredibly insecure.

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Knock, Knock whos there? Jesus Jesus who? Jesus Christ

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Why was rebecca crying? Because her mum had just died in a house fire!!!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? It was shot In the face. Why did the cow fall out of the tree it was stapled to the monkey.

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A horse walks into a bar You have been reading so many anti jokes that you can actually anticipate the anti-joke punchline to this joke, because it is one of maybe 3 or 4.

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What had 82 eyes, 7 mouths, and sings the blues? Nothing, the described creature does not exist.

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How do you drown a blonde? Same as anyone else. Tie three-hundred cinder blocks to her and drop her into a lake.

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A duck walks into a convenience store and asks for a tube of chapstick.He says "Put it on my tab".

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What did Aladin say to Mulan? Nothing. Although they are both Disney characters, they never appear in the same film, and therefore never communicate.

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roses are red, violets are blue. Some poems don't make sense, Salad.

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What did the boy with no arms get for Christmas? I don't know, he couldn't open it.

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what is green and has weels? grass i was kidding about the weels.

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What did the homeless man get for his 34th birthday? 34 years of regret.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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