There once was a man from Nantucket, but he's dead.

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Roses are Red Violets are Blue It is Valentines Day So I had to get them for you or we would get into a big fight, which will end up with me on the couch.

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Why was the Asian man told to open his eyes? He was sleeping.

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Lilys are from england violets from japan. I've got a knife now get in the van

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How many blondes does it take to change a light bulb? Just one.

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How does a blonde get pregnant? (I don't know) And you thought blondes were dumb.

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Why was the deaf boy crying at Christmas? He got an iPod.

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I love you very much.

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How do you stop the neighbors kids jumping your fence and stealing your lemons? Molest them.

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your matriarchal component is so overweight that her body mass index is over the desired level for her height and age

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A dad is very proud of his son for just having graduated preschool. he tells him son, ill get you anything you want. he says i want a pink pingpong ball. the dad is confused but he does it anyway. the next year, he graduates kindergarten. the dad asks the same question. the son this time says i want 10 pink pingpong balls. so the dad, very confused, does it. 5 years later, he graduates elementary school. this time he says 100 pink pingpong balls. high school the dad says cmon your going to college ANYTHING! A CAR? A HOUSE? no i want 1,000 pink pingpong balls. the kid then goes to college and 4 years later and majors in african relief. the dad is very proud but he says. lemme guess? 10,000 pink ping pong balls? YEP. the kid goes to africa to help out because he's a good person. he then meets his wife helping out there also. they get married and the dad flies out to africa to see the wedding. he then knows that he needs 100,000 pink pingpong balls shipped in. the dad goes back to the US and 9 months later finds out that he is a grandfather. he ships 1,000,000 pink ping pong balls into africa. a few years later he finds out that his son contracted a rare african disease and is going to die very soon. now the father is deeply in debt from all the ping pong balls, so his community helps him raise money to go to africa. he meets his son on his death bed. and they talk for a long time. the dad finally says. yknow son i really need to ask you, why did you ask for all those ping pong balls? the son says: "Well dad, I--" and then he dies

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A pornstar walks into a church, she has remained close to Christ despite her condescending career choice.

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Whats worse than a bee sting? Two bee stings. Whats worse than two bee stings? The holocaust. Whats worse than the holocaust? Three bee stings

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So a baby seal walks into a club.

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What did the blind, deaf and mute girl get for christmas? Cancer.

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Have you seen Stevie Wonder's new house?  No Neither has he

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How did Peter Parker tell his uncle that he was Spiderman? He didn't because he was already dead.

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What do you call a contraption made of a wooden rod attached to three strings attached to three rocks? A completely useless and pointless invention.

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wat do call a joke thats funny a funny joke

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what's worse than two dead babies? three dead babies.

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Knock, knock. Who's there? Interrupting Cow. Interru--- MOO! I'm so sorry, I have Tourette's Syndrome and cannot control these sudden outbursts. Please continue.

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Why did man push another man off of a building? Because he is a homocidal maniac and should be in federal prison

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How do you make a clown stop smiling? You kill his family.

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So I went to the airport the other day, and the new TSA regulations are very strict.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

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