What did the little boy say to Micheal Jackson? Shouldn't you be dead?

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What does a squirrel get when it rains? It gets wet.

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Q: What do you call an exact duplicate of Homer Simpson who's been enhanced with numerous special powers and a strength-boosting inducer among other beneficial additions? A: A mobidly overweigth individual who hasn't realized what the phrase, "Go on a diet", even denotes/implies.

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roses are red, violets are blue. you've got Alzheimer's, it sucks to be you

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Everyone believes in something. If you believe "you'll have another drink," you may be an alcoholic.

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What's worse than finding a worm in your apple? Repeated jokes.

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A talent agency is giving auditions and is just about to rap it up when a family shows up. They reluctantly agree to their "brief" audition given that they had found no suitable talent that day. The routine starts with the father starting 6 chainsaws at once while simultaneously starting a juggling/lumberjacking routine. His beautiful wife proceeds to toss him additional chainsaws (as he continually throws them for dramatic effect) while also maintaining a hypnotizing dance which seems to drain your desire to leave from your very soul. The children take turns jumping in between the chainsaws while doing a silent replay of the movie, "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon." After it plays out the father tosses the final chainsaw up in the air which lands standing straight, quivering in the dust of the studio. The studio manager says, "Why that's an AMAZING act!! I'll sign you right now! What do you call your act?" In response to which, the father shits on his desk.

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Why did the plane crash? The pilot was a loaf of bread.

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Whats the difference between Sarah Palin and Jason Voorhees? Jason has a chainsaw.

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A man calls his 23 year old nephew on a Saturday night. He's calling him, in order to apologise for molesting him when he was younger. As he could no longer live with the guilt and shame. They both start to cry on the phone. The nephew hangs up " I can't do this.." The man receives an email from his boss, saying " Lisa told me she's still waiting for your analysis on the new federal cuts and how they're going to affect us. Please send them asap."

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What do call something that looks exactly like a turtle but is not a turtle? A picture of a turtle

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this is a haiku i have no idea where i am going with .... this

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What do you call a newborn son? The proudest moment of your life. What do you call a newborn daughter? A disappointment.

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What's 9 + 10 19

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Why did Suzie fall off the swing? Because she had no arms. Knock knock. Who's there? Doesn't matter get in the van.

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Ready for something funny? nothing

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What do you call cheese that's not yours? Mine.

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Q.who is Tiny, a lion and has no friends and is a bald eagle? A.Rory Johnston

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What's the difference between a Jew and a Fire extinguisher? One puts out a fire the other one fuels it.

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Why did the boy wear a winter jacket on the hottest day of the year? Because the boy was in antarctica and the hottest day was still below freezing.

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What did 4 Year Old Jonny get for his birthday? Death.

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Q:Why did the dwarf shout abuse at the bus driver? A: He had anger issues, and the price of the ticket was quite unreasonable.

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wife: why are women's feet smaller husband: so they can stand closer to the kitchen sink

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whats worse than catching your parents having sex? having sex with your parents

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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