Do you know how to save a drowning laywer? Approach with caution as drowing victims can panic, thus pushing you under. If possible throw a floatation device rather than go in yourself, or hold out a stick and instruct them to grab one end while you pull them in with the other. If necessary perform CPR. Call an ambulance and monitor for hypothermia.

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Quarters look shiny, Brass beats Copper, Dish is better, So enjoy the hopper. DIrect TV, is forever alone. Kinda like you, when your on your phone!

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Where did Sudie go during the bombing? Everywhere.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because he was trying to commit suicide through vehicular manslaughter and knew that the average human being would not be able to stop before it was too late.

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whats black dirty gross and sits on the porch all day? a trash bag

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In space, no one can hear you scream. Which means Xenomorphs are deaf.

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Why do bears go to school on Sunday's? They don't, bears don't go to school.

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I got shot in the balls now i'm pregnant?

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Roses are red Violets are blue Chrome won't stop crashing randomly F*ck Chrome

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What's the difference between a Mexican and a bench? It's socially acceptable to sit on a bench.

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Why is Stevie Wonder always smiling? Because he has a great career and a loving family.

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Why was the girl running? She had to catch her bus.

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What do you get when you cross a black man and an octopus? I don't know, but it sure would pick a lot of cotton.

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your mum

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Your mom is so fat, when she farts, I can use her underwear as a hot air balloon

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what happened to the man who fell off the boat? He died!

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A monkfish walks into a bar... The world blew up

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Q: What did the clown say when he got in a car accident? A: Nothing. He died.

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What's worse than finding gum on your shoe? Being molested by a sea urchin.

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Did you hear the one about the man who went into the jungle wearing nothing but leopard print underwear? He was suffering from psychogenic fugue disorder and had no idea who or where he was. He was eventually eaten alive by a flesh-eating centipede. When his wife found out, she committed suicide.

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What did the fish want to drink? Charlie Brown

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What did the boy with cancer get for his birthday? Roses on his tombstone.

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What's 13 inches long and 3 inches wide and drives women crazy? My diick

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Your mother sleeps around so much that I worry that she may be taking too much medicine for her insomnia.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

Want more? You might be interested in...


Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops