Two drums and a cymbal fall off a cliff. They all broke beyond repair.

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What do you call 5 white guys sitting on a bench? An effect of an overcrowded theme park

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A child walks into a bar. He finds to find his dad passed out in his vomit, the bartender realizes the dad left the kid in the car, and he is arrested. The kid grows up traumatized by the experience, and becomes a substance abuser just like his dad.

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How can you treble the value of any Skoda car? Ensure its paintwork, upholstary, floor, lights, wipers, steering wheel, brake, horn, CD player, radio and clutch are clean and/or sound; fill its petrol tank, oil, brake and winscreen wiper fluid reserves; fit a roof rack; include a red triangle, a fire extinguisher, a blanket and a first aid kit in the sale; take out comprehensive insurance and pay a year's road tax and MOT before selling it.

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How do you drown a dumb blonde? Hold her underwater.

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The patient says, "Give me the bad news first!" Doctor replies, "You've got AIDS." "Oh, no! What could be worse than that?" asks the patient. "You've also got Alzheimer's Disease." Looking relieved the patient says, 'at least it shall be over quickly.'

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Listen Nero, I understand now that this is your real name, actually I know where you live thanks to the good old phonebook... ...My order is fully based on respecting and treating all living beings equally and focusing on actually putting old notions such as Gods and superstition away in order to strengthen humankind`s belief in itself and others. As for Nerometal, well, that was one of my... Lesser followers, I assure you they have been taken care off, they will not be bothering you ever again. What would it take for you to forgive our transgressions? Money? Power? Ask and you shall receive, as far as your identity goes, you shall have it back and I shall use another site in the future.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? Because earlier that day, the chicken was taking a shiit, and when he went to wipe, there was no toilet tissue, so he ran upstairs to his parents room, and shot them both with a shotgun, then he ate them while they were still gasping for air, then the neighbors heard the gunshots so they came over to make sure everything was alright, but little did they know that the chicken planned for it and they were electricuted to a crisp by the fence, oh yeah, why did the chicken cross the road? Because the store for chips was across the street

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It's probably not a good idea that you're in here. You're a very large animal. Any sudden movements, you may injure somebody. I don't know why you're here. None of the glasses are ergonomically designed for you to drink from. So, you should probably leave.

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Why was the boy crying? Because he had a frog stapled to his face.

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Why was the homeless man homeless? He lost his house in a terrible house fire, stretching throughout his apartment building, losing his much beloved wife and kids in the horrific accident.

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What did the black man say after he swallowed the bicycle? He didn't say anything. Swallowing a bicycle is physically impossible.

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Q:When a T- Rex walks into your house what does it mean? A: Your on pot, T-rex's are extinct

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Why could a fat man not do a barrel roll? He has already to many rolls.

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How do you get a slave to stop screaming from the rope he is hanging on? You stop messing around and you hang him already!

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Teacher- Pick the odd one out- Man, whale, bat, squirrel, frog Student- Whale. All others are found in Nebraska

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roses are grey violets are grey either i am a dog or i am color blind i cant tell im deaf go die in a hole

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Why did the teenager turn in his work on time? He chose not to procrastinate.

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Why did the prostitute begin to cry when she saw the chinese patron's penis? His testicles are diced onions.

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Knock Knock: I have full blown AIDS

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What did the guy say to the girl when she was on her knees? Stop playing with it put it in your mouth

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Once there was an egg by the name of Steve. His name was Steve the Egg.

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What is worse than finding a dead bug in your coffee? September 11, 2001

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How did Harry potter open the door? He had the key

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops