How do you get a black man out of your seat? You ask him very nicely with a great attitude.

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A woman walks in a confessional booth and proceeds to tell the priest about how she killed and ate her baby in a fit of hysteria because she is having issues dealing with her fresh divorce. The priest does not call 911.

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whats worse than getting hit whit a baseball? getting hit by a train

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A man walks into a bar He is now in the emergency room suffering from deep lacerations to the forehead as well as a bloody nose.

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What has one head, three eyes and seven legs? A cow with a tri-pod rammed up it's arse. The third eye is a result of a birth defect.

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whats long and black? a baton

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Why did the man take a shower?, he didint smell so good...

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What do you call a man sitting at the bar drinking alone? An alcoholic.

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Whats blue, fuzzy and has little red dots all over? Beats me...

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Q: How many dead babies can you fit in a bath tub? A: This question has many different possible answers due to the range of sizes and shapes of bath tubs available on the market, and also depending on the size of the baby in question. It is therefore only possible to give a specific example.

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What did the blond say to the other blond? "I like your shoes."

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One day there was 3 bears, a papa bear, a mama bear, and a baby bear. They were out swimming when suddenly a girl comes over to their house and tries to sit down. She sits on the big chair and says "too big", then she sits on the little chair and says "too small" and then sits on the medium chair and says "just right". Suddenly, the bears come back. Papa bear: "somebody has been sitting on my chair!" Baby bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair too!" Mama bear "somebody has been sitting on my chair, and she still here!" The girl says "Hi my name is Goldilocks." After about few minutes introducing each other, they ate dinner and they all had a great time.

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What's small and doesn't turn girls on? A bottlecap.

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Did you know that all of the seasons are named after coils of metal? Except Winter... And Autum... And Summer...

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A man walks into a bar gets drunk gets in his car and has a terrible crash because he was to intoxicated the end.

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what is green and has weels? grass i was kidding about the weels.

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Why did Justin Bieber cross the road? Because the chicken chose him as a decoy.

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What happened to the man who jumped off a building? He got hit by a bus on the way down.

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What do you call potato salad in Iceland? Edible. The fact that it happens to be in Iceland doesn't make a difference

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Vote this down and get DOXED

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What's yellow and can't swim? A tractor.

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How do you survive the zombie apocolypse? You avoid dieing or being mutated in the living dead.

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Q: What's brown and sticky? A: Feces

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because it died.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

Anti-Joke Triceratops