Two boys go down stairs on christmas day. They fall and die.

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A duck walks into a 7-11 and says "Give me some Chap-stick, and put it on my bill!" But the cash register attendee doesn't speak English and cannot understand him. He does, however, question whether his God is punishing him because, as all people know, ducks cannot speak. However, this hallucination must be punishment for a horrid misdeed. The employee breaks down into tears and begins reciting a prayer. The duck, slightly miffed, walks out, pondering why he'd need Chap-stick anyway, since he has no lips.

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Did you hear the one about the streetlight? It only came on at night.

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Do't you just hate when a sentence doesn't end how you think it will and it just octopus.

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Question:Why did little Susie fall off the swing? Answer:Because she had no arms or legs. Question:What did little Susie get for Christmas? Answer: a bike, and cancer Question: what did little Susie get next Christmas? Answer: nothing, she didn't live that long... Knock knock Who's there Not little Susie

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Why was the girl talking to the trashcan? Her entire family was killed in a forest fire. She was the only who made it out but she had several scars and burns. For six years she had no family to talk to. She then gathered an obnoxious amount of cheaply made plastic trashcans and painted her entire family on the trashcan and proceeded to talk to it. For several years now she has been in deep conversation with the trashcan. She then attempted to ask the trashcan a series and intense question in which the trashcan did not respond to. The girl grew very frustrated with the trashcan because it did not answer her question so she angrily threw it off the side of a cliff in the middle of the woods. To answer the question above, as the trashcan was violently falling off the cliff, the girl yelled, "See you next FALL"

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how did hitler lure the jews onto trains to concentration camps? he told them he hid a penny in one of the cars

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What does a lonely man do on opposite day? I don't know. Why should we know what he does, that is both weird and illegal. Stalking is a serious crime and should not be used. We do not know what he does on normal days, thus we cannot come to a conclusion to this question. However, I do hypothesize that he must be social on this day because this is the opposite of lonely.

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What do you do if your batteries die and you have none left? Go to your nearest battery selling retail store and buy some more.

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Pete and Repeat were on a boat. Pete jumped out, who was left? Pete, the boat blew up and instantly killed repeat

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What's the difference between a bowling ball and guacamole? The guacamole is delicious with chips, and the bowling ball is just a bowling ball.

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Whats worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm? Biting into another apple and finding the other half

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The funniest thing happened the other day, it was like one went like this, and the other went like that, and then everyone laughed... ...Oh, its one of those where you would have had to be there to see how funny it was.

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Q: How many licks does it take to the center of a tootsie pop? A: At least one.

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Why did Sally fall off the swing? Someone threw a fridge at her

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Why cant Helen Keller driver? She's a woman

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what do you call a guy that looks exactly like Mario. Frank because thats his name.

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What's gay black & Jewish? The Ku Klux Klan

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Why couldn't the black guy support his family? He was only 3 years old.

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"My father walked out on me." "Oh that's strange because I saw him yesterday and he had no legs."

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Chuck Norris will die sometime in the future.

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Roses are red, Violets aren't. This doesn't make sense. Potatoes and brown.

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Ever heard of carpel tunnel? Well after that girl it was more like carpal toungal

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Me: What's the difference between a zebra and a slice of cheese? You: I don't know Me: Me neither

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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