Q: What's worse than your parents dying in a car crash? A: You were in the backseat and saw your mother plead your father to slit her throat witht he broken glass because her legs were brushed and a windshield wiper was shoved in her kidney. As you stared on in pure horror, your father did as she asked with much contemplation. An ambulance arrives moments later. In the hospital, you tell your dad that you hate him for killing mom. You run away and he dies overnight due to heart failure. Yo suffered paralysis and now and are confined to a wheelchair for the rest of your natural life and are sent away to a born-again foster care home where you are never adopted.

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You decide, drink or drive. But don't do all 3 at the same time.

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Guess what? I like trains.

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Q: What do you call an Ethiopian on a food strike? A: An Ethiopian

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Why did Dr. Phil fall of the swing? He couldn't figure out the couples problem.

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Q. What does FIAT stand for? A. Frenzied Italian At Traffic-lights.

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A man walks into a bar He orders a beer, drinks the beer, then leaves.

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1500 Jews were ordered to walk a straight path whilst in the midst of a blizzard. How close did they ever get to the end? What end? They marched until every last bit of their rotten Jew flesh was driven from their weak bodies. --Amon Goeth

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An optimistic person says the glass is half full Pessimistic people say the glass is half empty Engineers say the glass is 2 times the size it needs to be.

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Yo mamma is so skinny, she has developed anorexia, a serious eating disorder, which not only affects her, but also the ones that she loves and cares about.

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Why was the boy sad? because the serotonin level in his brain was significantly lower than normal.

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There were 3 children: Flower, Petal and Fridge. Flower asked, "Mum, why is my name Flower?" to which she replied "Because a flower was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Petal asked, "Mum, why is my name Petal?" to which she replied "Because a petal was the first thing to fall on you when you were born." Fridge said, "Herp derp dur" to which Fridge's mother replied "Shut up, Fridge."

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What do you call it when a plane crashes into a school? A terrible accident.

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Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side.

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What did the famer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor?!?!

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What's worse than blowing out 1 lightbulb Blowing out 2 lightbulbs

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Text this number just cuz 16305208722

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Why did Suzie's friend put rubbish in her mouth? Because Suzie is a rubbish bin.

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Your mamma so fat she bungie jumped straight to hell

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What's funnier than ten dead babies nailed to one tree? Nothing, infant mortality is not a laughing matter.

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My dog dumps in my house she looks at me and says rut row

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What did Elmer Fudd say when Bugs Bunny got away again? "Oh, dat dawn wabbit, I'ww get it some day".

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A man walks into a pet shop. He says to the shopkeeper, "Excuse me, do you have any dogs going cheap?" The shopkeeper replies "We feel that we price our animals reasonably, but the cheapest type of dog we have is £50." The man realises that, unfortunately, he cannot afford a dog so instead he purchases a goldfish. It wasn't the same.

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Looks like this is a *puts on sunglasses* Pair of sunglasses

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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Anti-Joke Chicken

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