'I had a surprise test today.' 'What happened?' 'I was really surprised.'

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I am going to school I live in Ohio, but I'm at Germany How do I do it? I'm a blonde, nobody knows

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Jimmy's mom: Jimmy go do your chores now!! Jimmy: You shut your mouth, whore. Get your smelly ass back in the kitchen!!!

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Why can't Hellen Keller play the piano? She's dead.

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So this chat, the talk on the phone was all a ruse?

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Why did little polly fall off her her roof? Because she saw a ice-cream van

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So, there's a man and a bar. He gets a hacksaw.

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What is worse than stubbing your toe. Being shot

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A monk went to a bar. He soon came out because he realized he didn't have cash because he left his wallet in his other robe.

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Knock Knock Who’s there? Tom Tom who? Tom Pearson? Oh Tom, I wasn’t expecting you til 3pm, please come in.

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Nero, man, I mean I will hurt you, I am on my way to the hospital, and seriously that pic does not look real, seriously on a hospital? I mean man, I am really sorry! I nearly killed you, how was i supposed to know you do not care about your teeth and take half a bottle of that calcium stuff? My mom? Yeah sure! She laughed at the message you sent her, and if you touch my sis, ill kill you, anyway I am on my way, you better change your mind or I will kick your ass!

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What did the man screem before he crashed his car? i dont know, he died.

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What do a turtle an a bird have in common? They both fly except the turtle

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Knock knock, Who's there? Justin Bieber, LEAVE!

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Why did the monkey fall out of the tree? Because he died.

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Why couldn't the Muslim eat pork? He didn't have a tongue.

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What's worse than the holocaust? Microwaveable jellied horse nipple

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I had 99 problems Solved them all

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i asked my friend about the holocaust... umm it turns out hes a jew yaaa sorry then i screamed califona fire asin tits then ran

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whats a funny joke? nuthing nuthing at all

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a man walks into a bar. ouch. that must suck, but he should really look where he's going

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Why are plants green? Plants are green due to the chloroplast organelles found in their cells. These membrane bound organelles are exclusive to plant cells and are used to convert sun light to usable chemical energy. This energy is stored in the form of ATP molecules, or adenosine triphosphate. When one of the three phosphate groups of an ATP molecule is removed, the molecule releases the energy put into this bond and becomes ADP, or adenosine diphosphate. Throughout this process, the organelle fulfills its sole function and at the same time gives plants their green color our eyes perceive today.

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I got 99 problems, and most of them involve my terminal illness.

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What did the bolt say to the wall?? nothing ,they just screwed.

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Anti Joke

What are Antijokes? Anti Jokes (or Anti Humor) is a type of comedy in which the uses is set up to expect a typical joke setup however the joke ends with such anticlimax that it becomes funny in its own right. The lack of punchline is the punchline.

Our Updated iOS App!

We've just released huge update to the iOS app! Now, access all your favorite text and photo sites like Anti-Joke, DIYLOL! A few things didn't make the original cut (like comments) but they'll be back soon. Best of all, the app is now FREE! Get it here.

The Anti Joke Book


NEW ANTI-JOKE BOOK!  Now that we've resolved the printing issues with our publisher, check out the BRAND SPANKING NEW Anti-Joke Book!

MOAR??

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